Always the Bride

37. Realisation

I've done it again. Two updates in a week. :) I'm back at work tomorrow (now that I'm nearly fully recovered) so I may not update again for a few days. I'll see how I go. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

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Why did I come in here? This is a huge mistake.

I glance around the spare room and see unopened gifts everywhere. The ones from marrying Jamie. I never got to open them all. My fingers twitch with anticipation. Can I open just one?

No, Teresa! It’s over remember? Don’t reignite it.

My breathing hitches as I spot a pretty gift wrapped present on top of the pile. It’s square and medium sized. The paper is silver with gold embossed love hearts. It’s so beautiful. My resolve weakens and before I can talk myself out of it, I reach for it. As I hold the heavy gift tightly in my hands, it feels as though my entire body is on fire. The paper is smooth but rough at the same time. Oh how I’ve missed these.

I lower myself onto the floor and sit cross legged in the centre of the room. Once I’ve placed the gift in front of me I stare at it, transfixed by its beauty. My stomach swirls with excitement. Slowly I inch my fingers forward. When they touch the paper once again, a bolt of pleasure runs through my body.

Slowly, meticulously I begin to peel away the sticky tape. This paper is too amazing to ruin so I have to be careful. It’s almost like brain surgery. I hold my breath as I remove each bit. As I remove each piece, I roll it up and stick it on the desk behind me. When I get to the last bit of tape, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can do this, it’s the last piece.

I use my nail to unstick the edge then once it’s lifted up enough I grab it gently in between my thumb and index finger and pull ever so slowly. My tongue sticks out in concentration as I watch it unstick. When it comes off without a single tear, I breathe a sigh of relief.

The removal of the tape makes the paper slacken and open slightly. I need no further convincing. Grabbing the paper, I remove it from under the box and gently place it beside me. Then I look down at the box and clap my hands in glee. A marble pestle and mortar stares back at me. Oh my god, how could I have never got one of these before?

My idea of having the same gift registry for each wedding flew out the window after I met Russell and Jamie. The weddings were so rushed I just had to stick with what I got. Fortunately they were great anyway. However, this is one thing I will fix when I organise my next marriage. I want my own gift registry. There are certain things I really love more than others. They’re the things I need to stock up on.

When you organise your next marriage? I thought this was over, Teresa. What about Julian?

My spine stiffens at this thought and I suddenly turn cold. I look around me in confusion, as though I’ve woken from a hypnotist’s control, and my hands begin to shake. Oh god, what have I done? There’s a reason I stayed out of this room. If I’m going to break free of this addiction, I can’t be around these gifts. Maybe I should just get rid of them? That would kill me but how else can I break free?

As my eyes glance around the room again, I spot the already opened gifts from my marriage with Gregory and Russell. The only thing I’ve used from the collection is a stainless steel kettle. Everything else is waiting to be used. If I got rid of the unopened gifts, I should get rid of the opened ones too. I need to start afresh.

My heart breaks at the thought and I suddenly feel sick to the stomach. How the hell can I do that? Is there any way I can still keep the gifts and not be tempted by the addiction?

No.

Dammit. Well if I really must be away from all of them, I can’t throw them away. How about I sell them and make some money?