ABANDON

Chapter 25 -- A Different Kind of View

    John was tired when he crossed the main cave. He was ready for sleep, his thoughts moving freely through the events of the day, unwinding.  He had his bed roll tucked under his arm.  He thought over conversations and concerns that had been brought to his attention, but he found it hard to keep his mind on any one thing.  Because he was nervous.

    He had promised Michael to find a replacement for him, to stay with Jane tonight. John had neglected that one duty, on purpose.

    Thinking of Jane, he tried to come up with what he could say to her, but the language was an issue.  John had picked up quite a bit of English from Michael, but not enough.  Not enough to say what he wanted to say. To ask the questions he needed to ask. 

    Although his mind threw out the idea that he may not have to say anything at all.  John chuckled to himself over that thought, sure, maybe.  But Jane was not in her right mind now, John knew it was better to wait.

    The air in the cave was warm and smelled slightly fragrant and mysterious, like Jane. Tanna blushed when she saw John. She quickly picked up her things and exited the room.  John liked Tanna, she was very skilled at grenade assembly, and her short cropped hair suited her large cheekbones, but Jane's allure was unmatched. 

    John spread his bed roll on the flattest bit of ground.  He hoped Jane would turn to him so he could see those striking blue eyes, but she didn't.  Based on the way her side rose and fell, she was already asleep.

    Pity.

    John got comfortable, tossing around a bit, before he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.  But after a short time, they popped open again. John rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.  It was strange to be back in his old room, there were too many shadows that talked. His eyes strayed to the hole where he kept his journal, hidden behind that scrunched up black rag. He determined to grab it when he left.  Then he rolled onto his side to see Jane, he couldn't stop thinking about her.  Her hair was splayed behind her neck in a messy ponytail; dull, dirty, and beautiful.  He was glad she kept it back because it let him look at the smooth softness of her neck.  From there his eyes traced the line of her back, down to her waist and then to her hips, perfectly shaped.  She used no blanket, the room was hot enough, and her lower back was slightly exposed.  John imagined slipping his hand under, to where it was warm and soft.

    Jane suddenly gasped, and sat bolt upright.  John instantly closed his eyes.  She must have looked over and seen him because the room became deathly quiet.  John had a hard time not holding his breath.  He forced himself to breath slowly and deeply, mimicking sleep.  Jane's sudden waking made nervousness descend on him as quickly and violently as a storm.  I'm asleep, he thought, I'm asleep.  And suddenly the thought occurred to him that just as Jane was not ready, neither was he.  He didn't like that.  From the moment he had seen Jane, bravely pointing that Ander weapon at him, something for him had changed, like a breath of fresh air.

    Then he felt a waft of air, and noise right beside him.  Oh no, he thought, no, no, no. He could feel someone lying right beside him.  He felt eyes staring right at him.  What was she looking at?  His brain rapidly churned up possibilities.  What was she looking for?  His hand suddenly felt the tingle of closeness, and he could feel the warmth of Jane's hand even though she never touched him.  John was convinced she could feel his rapid pulse jumping right out of his wrist, he could feel his fingers vibrate with every quickening beat.  And although he expected her to say something, or do anything; she did nothing.  Eventually her breathing slowed and became rhythmic. 

    She's asleep, John thought, then he told himself to sleep, but it would have been easier to sleep with an Ander beside him.  After what seemed like hours, he was able to calm his heart and breath easy.  Only then did he carefully crack his eye lids, and then open them.