Learning How to Bend

December 12

//This was all originally going to be one post, but then I kept writing...and writing...and writing...and then I decided to go ahead and split this in two.// 

I was dreaming, and I knew exactly what type of dream this was from my first click. Instead of fading like normal, the scenery around me remained somewhat clear even after the echo faded. Everything was slightly hazy, and nothing was in color, but I could see more here than I could anywhere else. The surroundings always varied, but the subjects in the nightmare remained constant: Me, always me, and one other who had tormented me since I was a child. The one who started my issues sleeping so long ago. The one who I prayed would eventually fade, but he was always there, torturing me when I could not get away.

I brushed my hand through the tips of the tall grasses as I walked, the pale, thin blades eventually diminishing as my bare feet hit the sand. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks signaled to me it was high tide. It was the only sound to reach my ears besides my own breathing. I crossed the sand to the surf and started walking through it, waiting for what I knew would appear before me at any moment. Part of the nightmare was the waiting. Imagining what things he would say, how he would say them, and what his threats would be.

"So you've come again."

The voice was deceptively seductive, almost like a purr. I immediately tensed, refusing to turn around. He wanted me to turn. He always told me to, and I had no interest in doing so. I tried to sound brave as I spoke, but my voice shook. "I could say the same for you. Why don't you just leave me the hell alone?"

"Oh, now, where's the fun in that?"

"What do you want?"

"You know what I want."

I swallowed.

I did not hear him approach, but I knew he did because his putrid breath wafted into my nostrils as the air from his lungs tickled my ear. He spoke over my shoulder. He put a long knife to my shoulder, moving it ever closer to my throat then tracing the flat of the blade against my jawline. "I've come to collect."

"No," I said.

"No?"

"I want you to go away."

"Oh, but it doesn't work like that, sweetheart," he said, pushing my hair from my shoulder to bare my neck. For a couple moments, I worried he was going to suck my blood like a vampire, but he left me alone, instead using the blade to raise my chin higher. "Run and hide. The fun is in the chase."

I ran. When he moved the knife from my neck, it took all my bravado with it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry, but if I did either he might find me, and I did not want him to locate me. If he did, that was when threats of pain would grow too intense. I just wanted out. I ran until I found a place to hide within the tall grasses and willed myself to become invisible.

He started humming. The same song he always sang. Growing ever louder and louder as he neared, so close I could see the sun reflecting off the knife onto the ground. I wanted to run farther, but I found myself paralyzed. I could not breathe. This was him; he had found me. His snake-like eyes settled on my form, curled into a fetal position on the ground, and I knew it was all over.

"Hello, poppet," he said.

I could say nothing, for I felt my throat constricting even further than before.

He reached toward me and picked me up by my neck, hand tightening as my feet dangled uselessly over the ground. "You really are pathetic, you know that?"

Tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh, that won't do...I need your eyes as moist as possible." He brought the tip of the knife toward my eye and pressed it against my tear duct. "Be careful, little eyes, what you see..."