Social Heart

IRL

Scarlett looked at the wall of her LA hotel, she had been here since the barrel. She didn't tell anyone because she wanted to be alone. She didn't remember much of the premiere last night, she did remember that Susan and Robert had to bring her to their place last night because she started drinking. They didn't want her to be alone and start drinking again.

She left the moment she woke up, which would explain the 100 or so texts she got from Robert this morning. She only sent him a quick text that she was safe before tossing her phone aside. She needed to be alone.

Everyone is telling her it will get better, but she has fallen down this pit so far she wasn't sure how she would get out. She didn't understand why this had to happen to her.

It was her fault.

That's was what she kept telling herself. She really believed that it was her fault. She thought that Chris would have been a father if it was anyone but her who had carried the baby.

She named the little girl, Laila Evans, she shouldn't have the name of someone as horrible as herself. She figured that their child would have taken Chris's name either way.

She made a small scrapbook of the ultrasounds and pregnancy photos she had and then she would look at it when she was feeling especially sad she would look at it and think off all the amazing that she took from her.

What makes her feel even worse was that Chris was calling her, checking up on her, and she had to ignore him. She wished he wasn't as good as a man that he was. That he would leave her alone, get that she is a problem he doesn't need in his life.

It pained her, but she ignored the fluttering feeling she got from reading his comment earlier.

Then there was fucking Ryan. She would play nice on social media but secretly she hated his guts. She just wanted the world to stop. The pain to stop. She wanted the voices in her head to stop blaming her even though she felt like she deserved it.

"Just stop," She mumbled as the voice got louder. It felt like they were pounding on her head to all speak at once.

"It's your fault."

"You ruined him,"

"A baby lost its life because of you,"

She was hurting, everything hurt. Did everyone who had a miscarriage feel this way? Like bricks were being laid upon as you prepared to attcept your punishment.

Why couldn't she continue on?

Was she not strong enough?

Will she ever be? no. She couldn't even take the chance, pregnancy once excited her but now she feared it. Memories of doctors yelling above her as she lost consciousness poured into her mind. As she called out for them to stop, to not take her baby. They didn't listen. Why didn't they listen?

"You can't be a mother."

She shouldn't be a mother.

A new thing to live by. She wouldn't let this one go. She accepted that she couldn't be a mother, wasn't that punishment enough? Why won't the voice stop?

"JUST STOP!"

But they don't, and they get worse. So she calls room service where she orders alcohol, lot of it. Once drunk she makes a mistake of going on her phone. One she will regret in the morning. She slowly began to pass out, as a voice from her phone filled her ears.

"Hello?"

"Scarlett are you okay?" She didn't reply, she needed to nap.

"Scarlett?!"

"Ni.ght," She slurred before falling into a slumber while the man on the phone called for her.

"I love you please answer me," No one can love me.

"Voi-ces ne...ed s..t..op" And she was out.