Fearless (A Mulan Retelling)

Chapter Six

"What are you doing awake?" Kayde's voice cut through the darkness, interrupted Iris's low mumbling. "You need to get some rest... surely you know that. We ride through tomorrow. You need strength."

Iris stopped pacing at the sound of his voice. Iris jumped a little, wishing that he'd stop sneaking up on her like that. He had already made it a habit, seemingly. She took a minute to mull over what he had said. He wasn't wrong... she should get some sleep. But how? After tomorrow, she'd be an Eldian soldier and she just wasn't equipped for that -not yet, anyways. She realized that talking to herself would likely do nothing to help -but at least it would distract her for the time being.

Kayde just raised a brow at her.

"So do you," she finally brought herself to say back. "But you're still awake. Why aren't you asleep yet?"

"I would be," he pointed out. "You're walking around and ranting to yourself proves to be a little distracting, believe it or not. Please go to bed, Iris -for both of our sake." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

Iris felt a little bad. She hadn't realized she'd been keeping him up. After a moment of thought, she finally told him, "You called me Iris." A moment passed. "You probably shouldn't anymore. I'm going by Ingred now -Ingred Gwenneth." Was it a change of subject to deflect his reprimanding? Yes. Was it necessary information? Also yes.

"Fine," he agreed without heart, tired beyond all reason. "Go to bed, Ingred."

Iris sniffed at being scolded like a little girl -even if she was one. That thought sent another course of alarm tingling down her spine. She was a small girl -a small girl doing something big. Iris could only hope that she wasn't biting off more than she could chew.

Even still, Iris did take his suggestion. She nodded and entered her tent without argument. As she looked down at her bedroll, she couldn't help but remember just how uncomfortable it was to sleep in it. With a forlorn sigh, the girl crawled into anyway, grunting in pain as she adjusted herself. The ground was hard and quite unforgiving underneath her, with a few sharp stones digging in at various places. Iris tried to shuffle them away with her body to only little avail. Ah, at least she wasn't cold.

Iris closed her eyes and did her best to fall asleep, but her discomfort paired with the thoughts storming inside her mind didn't give her much hope that she'd actually rest at all. The strangest part about all of this was that she wasn't thinking about the war -at least, not mostly. She was actually thinking about her former betrothed.

Iris couldn't help but wonder what he'd say to this inane attempt to save her father. From all she knew of him, she didn't doubt that he'd most likely laugh in her face. He'd reassure her that she was playing the fool and then go rat her out to her father. He'd get her lectured and sent to her room afterward -locked up and monitored until her father had left.

Iris thoughts deepened, and suddenly? She didn't feel as sorry for herself that she'd lost him. When he'd left her, she'd certainly been heartbroken. At that point in her life, sure he'd done her wrong at times -but at the time, not anything he could've done would have been enough for her to see him for what he was. At that time in her life, she had blamed herself for all that was wrong with their relationship. Now, though, as she thought about it more, she'd come to a realization: he had been toxic for her. What's more? -they had nothing in common. Their personalities hadn't even coalesced.

But he'd found her pretty -and somehow, that had been enough for her at the time. Oh, how smitten she was because she had been worthy.

Iris laughed a little under her breath at the thought. If that was what love was, she wasn't sure she wanted to partake. If love was simply an exercise of control or a placement of value over her head, Iris would rather die without having a husband. And wasn't that a shameful thought for a woman to have? Everyone in Eda seemed to think so.