Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

sixteen

BEAU

"What's on your mind today, Beau?" Dex pushes his glasses up his nose on my laptop screen and I exhale loudly, leaning back against my shabby sofa.

A million things, as usual. I wonder where to start.

Choosing the simplest, I ask reluctantly, "How's Parker, do you know?" Dr. William's face falls then and I lean forward, brows pulled together. "What is it, Dex?"

"The center called - they were hoping I'd go in to work with him. Parker relapsed, Beau." His words are very matter-of-fact but sting like a slap anyways.

What?

That can't be right. Can it? He was doing okay - his family was waiting for him. He was getting out of there.

I scrape at the polish on my thumb to avoid Dex's gaze. "What about his parents? Weren't they supposed to help him?"

"The center is the best place for Parker right now. They know that." Dex says firmly. "I think you know that, too."

"Are you going to take him? Be his shrink, I mean?" I rush a hand through my hair, restless guilt gnawing at me.

Fuck, I should have called.

"We're working out the details. But Beau, I don't think we should use our time to discuss Parker. Do you?"

"I didn't call him, Dex." I mutter, shaking my head and ignoring his question. "We said I should but I didn't. Maybe if I did, I could have... it might have helped. I -"

"Beau, take a breath." Dex holds a hand up, motioning at me to inhale as he does the same. After we exhale, he continues. "You know as much as anyone - the way he must have been feeling, it's a very difficult state to be talked out of. There's no guarantee your call would have stopped him from relapsing. There's no point in beating yourself up over it now. But you can look at your feelings and understand why you feel them. Let them help you make decisions in the future."

He lets the thought marinate for a few moments.

"I need to start showing up, Dex." I run a tired hand over my eyes, the realization finally hitting me like a ton of bricks. "For Parker, for Emma and the baby..."

For myself.

God, when will I get tired of disappointing everyone?

In that instant, I know what I have to do. No more fucking around. A newfound energy courses through me as I make plans for after my session, before tuning back into Dex's side of the conversation.

"You mentioned Emma and the baby. You went to her appointment recently. How did it feel?"

"Really good." I tell the truth. Well, most of it. Up until Emma asked about adoption, completely crushing my heart in her delicate hand. "I'm scared shitless, but that heartbeat changed everything."

Dex's expression softens into a smile and he nods, urging me on. Suddenly, my mind flips to another thought and a grin breaks over my features.

"You know I went to the coffee shop today and Emma was working?"

"Sounds like a blast from the past," Dex comments quietly.

I nod. "You know the first time I went, I was on my phone or something stupid and I spilled my coffee all over her?" Self-absorbed prick. Dex chuckles. "She gave me another one and when I really looked at her, it hit me."

Just like Jace reminded me of Beck the first time I laid eyes on him, Emma looked so much like Zoey at first. So much so that it solidified the plan Fiona, publicist to Satan himself, had been trying to sell me on. One look at Emma and she was perfect.