I fall apart' ~ Post Malone

09.

"Keep it strong," Kaci whispered in my ear as she and Felicity hugged me together. I felt numb and just mumbled something unintelligible. When they finally released me, I picked up my bag and headed for the tour bus. Kaci and Felicity strolled after me. We crossed Austin's path, and I heard Felicity muttering swear words under her breath while Kaci glared. My gaze kept staring into the distance as I tried to shut myself off from the world again—something I had done a lot in the past week. I did nothing more than stare in front of me. When my goals in life seemed to be gone. I seemed to have nothing left to live for. My life consisted of singing, sleeping, eating, drinking, and staring in front of me. The tears were gone; they had flowed too much. The numbness had suppressed the pain. "Bye," I muttered quickly before climbing into the tour bus. I walked on quickly and could no longer hear the answers. I ignored Jessica, who called me, and continued to my bed, where I tossed my bag. When I had done that, I walked back to the front section and settled into the seat past the driver—waiting for us to leave. Waiting for time to pass and hoping it would be soon.

Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you're staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel
And they sayin' what would you wish for
If you had one chance
So airplane airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

With my earbuds in my ears, I stared at the flashing landscape. It was covered in a blanket of darkness, and the only light came from the flashing orbs of advertising bulbs. It was now around midnight, and it was logical that there would be more light. Slowly the fatigue started to take over me. I had to make an effort to keep my eyes open and keep yawning. I decided to get up and go to my bed. Ready for another night of screams, pain, and tears. In other words, an average night. A cupboard or door handle repeatedly saved my body from touching the ground on my way to the sleeping quarters. Why did our beds have to be at the very back now? I finally reached the sitting area door and was greeted by a wave of voices and laughter, which died down as I entered. All looks were turned on me, and I tried to ignore them one by one. With my gaze on the floor, I continued to the bedrooms. I quickly turned on the light and closed the door softly behind me. Again without making eye contact with anyone. I was relieved that there was no one here, and I quickly changed clothes before there was a change. When I got up in my pajamas, I grabbed my toiletry bag from my cupboard and walked to the small bathroom. I quickly combed my hair, then put it in a messy bun. I brushed my teeth rapidly but carefully.

I looked at the other beds in the bedroom to find out who was sleeping where. I could tell that Jessica was sleeping there from the nicely made bed above me. Probably the only one who wanted it. The rest had declared my kind of crazy over the past week. The other girls took over the bunk bed across from mine and Jessica. Some cases probably contain twice as many clothes like mine, and it was clear how they bulged. Finally, my eyes drifted to the bunk bed, leaning against the wall in the other direction. You don't have to think twice to know they were for Austin and Joshua. Yes, Joshua was there too. He would stay for a week, and I already knew he would be good support for me. He had already saved me from Austin three times today.

I pushed the light switch so that darkness took over the room, and with a sigh, I got into my bed. Instead of closing my eyes, I stared at the bottom of the bed above me. My ears focused on the roaring engine. I didn't want to let the fatigue win, but I would lose beforehand. I could only hope I wouldn't scream. That would only cause me to be thrown out of the bedroom. I was taken out of my worry by the opening of the door. A bright light lit up the whole room, and voices slid into the room. Not long after, they disappeared by closing the door. There was shuffling and fumbling as someone tried to reach his bed. I heard the footsteps closing in, and I narrowed my eyes. Waiting for that person to pass, but it didn't get that far.

The sound suddenly stopped, and I held my breath expectantly.