I fall apart' ~ Post Malone

03.

Meanwhile, Kaci was already screaming back. She screamed a mishmash of swear words, and it surprised me that no one was below. You couldn't possibly sleep through this noise. I tried to gather the courage to walk down, but my shoes seemed to be led. I couldn't possibly face him. I heard a door open, and the screams subsided for a moment but just continued not long after. "KACI, SHUT UP!" It was obvious Joshua had joined. For the first time I saw him, he sounded severe. Was that possible? "Austin, go away. She doesn't want to see you. She's broken, it's your fault, and if you hurt her again, she's all over." There was dead silence after Joshua's harsh words. But no matter how hard they were, they were true. "I'm not leaving until I see her." His voice was firm, and I knew him well enough that he wouldn't give up. If I didn't show up, this would go on forever. It was time to forget about him; it was time to forever put him out of my life.

I went to the stairs and stopped as soon as I entered. I coughed briefly, and everyone turned to me. A pair of blue eyes pierced my face, and I felt the courage in my shoes. "I. Uhm." Kaci quickly went up the stairs and protectively stood before me. Joshua's hand was on Austin's shoulder, trying to stop him. I wish I could turn around, but I had to finish what I started. I had to do this now, no matter how bad I was. But the words stuck in my throat as tears flooded my cheeks. I was confronted with what was once so dear to me, but now only caused the pain in my life. I fought the black, trying to take over, and made an effort to keep my shaking knees still. I swallowed and then crammed out all the necessary words. "I don't want to see you again, Austin." As soon as I said it, I turned around and walked to Kaci's room as fast as I could. Behind me, I heard a little fight and a lot of curses. I tried my best not to listen to it and walked back to Kaci's room, where I tried to find clothes before showering. I tried to focus my thoughts on what lay ahead, which was my singing career. This afternoon I will finally know all the details.

After finally choosing my clothes, I walked into the hallway. I no longer heard any noise, so I was unconsciously a little relieved. Austin would be gone by now. It infuriated me that he dared to come hereafter with everything that had happened. I knew I had been wrong. I should never have given him a chance; I should never have let him come into my life. All he had brought was pain and sorrow. I was only halfway down the hall when I was stopped. One hand was on my shoulder, and a body blocked my passage. My inattention caused me to be surprised. I looked straight into Austin's face when I looked up. His eyes were determined, and his mouth was a hard line. All I could read from his gaze was sadness. Sadness to which he was not entitled. The only one entitled to that grief was me.

"Madison, I-" I shook my head and ignored his look. I wouldn't let myself be caught again by his false sincerity. "Don't make it worse, Austin." I swallowed the pain and sorrow and tried to hide it behind a hard mask. "You've ruined my whole life; what more could you want?" After those last words, I pushed him aside and walked quickly to the shower. Tears already appeared in the corner of my eye.

The warm jets of the shower did not calm me down. All my muscles were tense, and the tension refused to disappear from my body. Tears were still running down my cheeks, and my hands were shaking. I had been in the shower for half an hour, and nothing seemed to help. In the end, I decided it was useless, and I turned off the tap. A sudden cold flooded my body, but I didn't care. I quickly wrapped a towel around my body and got out of the shower. I changed quickly and stood in front of the mirror to blow-dry my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I was startled. I didn't see myself; I saw someone else. My brown curls were dull and lifeless on my shoulders. My eyes had thick, dark circles, and my face seemed numb. My skin was too pale, and I looked deathly ill. As if to complete the picture, a tear rolled out of the corner of my eye.

Why does love always feels like a battlefield ~