I fall apart' ~ Post Malone

02.

"Do you already know who you're going to sing with?" Kaci looked at me curiously, but I had to disappoint her and shake my head. "Tomorrow, I know." I felt the nerves bubbling up when I thought about tomorrow. You did not meet a famous star every day, with which you also went on tour for three months. I dropped onto my spare bed, and Kaci's head hung in front of me. Her eyes were suddenly full of doubt. In her eyes, I saw the conflict she was fighting. She wanted to tell me something, but she didn't have the guts. So I didn't have to think twice to know the subject. I turned my face up and hid it in my pillow. "Tell Kay." I clenched my hands and tried to hold myself together. It was strange how it still gripped me. How it could never get out of my mind, how it still upset me. "Austin." The first vibrations took over my body, and I could barely hold myself together. Kaci was silent. "Go on," I said in a trembling voice. "He wants to talk to you. He knows you're here." Bam, there I went again.

The control was gone, and I clutched my pillow. The pain made his way out and tried to hurt me as much as possible. My eyes were burning, and they were probably bright red. I was still shaking in Kaci's comforting arms. The painful stitches in my chest didn't seem to stop. Had it yet not been enough? Why did he have to make it worse every time? Why did he have to ruin everything? "Kaci." I squeezed it out. I looked up, but I barely saw anything through my closed eyes. I could make out a faint nod and decided to continue talking. "Promise you won't leave him with me."

The wind blew gently through my hair and whispered in my ear. The sun was burning on my body, and drops of sweat rolled down my back. I was on a deserted field. The grass was barren and of unhealthy color. Something in me knew I was dreaming, but consciously it didn't seem to get through. The only thing on my mind now was what I was doing here now? I didn't seem to belong here at all. As if it had heard my question, a melodious voice started to call me. It was an appealing call that had something dangerous about it. My head screamed to stop, but my legs thought otherwise. As if they were leading their own lives, they started walking toward the mysterious voice. As I walked on, if you could call it walking, everything got darker and darker until the black color took everything over. The colorlessness freaked me out, and I was about to scream until suddenly, a point of light shone in the distance. All my attention got drawn to it, and I felt my legs move faster. The bright spot came closer until it had become a massive orb of light. My body went to a sudden stop, and my eyes could see this scene before me. Austin, kissing. And it was clearly not me standing there. The pain floored me, and I fell into an endless black hole.

It seemed as if I ended up back in my bed with a shock and shocked; I held my breath. Not long after, my hands shot at my hair, where they clawed. What did I do to myself? Only then did the noise from below, which had probably woken me up, dawn on me. It was a racket, and I recognized Kaci's screaming voice. I briefly discussed whether I would listen, and not long after that, I got out of the small guest bed as quietly as possible. I opened the frivolous door of Kaci's room and crept into the hallway. A hell of noise came at me and got harder with every step I took. It took me some time to understand the different voices, and when I did, I was grounded. One of the voices was from Austin. "You can't forbid me, Kaci. Let me through." His voice was blunt, and I couldn't recognize it anymore. He seemed to have changed entirely. Still, I felt the tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want him to be here. There was a wordless fight, and I hoped that Kaci would win from the bottom of my heart. "Get the hell out, Austin. Then understand that she doesn't want to talk to you." "You just say that." "She doesn't want it. She told me yesterday." "I don't believe you. She'll have to tell me herself if she doesn't want to." I had to tell him myself.

I felt a lump in my throat that I could never swallow.