I fall apart' ~ Post Malone

05.

I seemed to walk to the room with lead in my shoes. I didn't want to go back, but I had to go back. I couldn't sit on the toilet forever, and the rest would have noticed that something was wrong. My gaze had said enough. As soon as I opened the door, I turned my gaze to the floor and walked to the chair where I just sat. My neutral mood had disappeared entirely from that time and had given way to anger, pain, and sorrow. I felt the shocked looks burn at me, but I did not respond. They got used to it. I kept studying the ground, trying not to look at the one I didn't want to see at all. This morning's words seemed meaningless now, for I could not finish them. I was now obliged; there was no other way. Yes, you read it. I'm going on a tour with the one and only Austin Post. Famous, loved by everyone, and my ex. That was also possible. Why not. Three months with him on a bus. No exit, no flights possible. I was trapped in a maze that I would never find an exit to.

His eyes had stared at me from the moment he entered. The first thing it read was a shock. Then hope appeared, and I knew he was now hoping for a reconciliation. He would like that. I promised myself that I would never make it up to him. He dared not come to me. He knew the consequences. I had no intention of holding back, and the rest of the crew would soon know about the relationship Austin and I had. Soon enough, they would see the truth. For minutes there had been a deadly silence that had everything to do with the tension between mine and Austin. You almost had to be a fool as not to feel that tension. The necessary was long said and defected. Everyone had responded very enthusiastically to the plans. -I murmured in agreement.- The remaining time we were here was to get acquainted. But I had already met Austin. I had known what a bastard he was for a long time. I had known for a long time what a talker he was. How fiercely he could hurt people. But if that wasn't enough, I could now live with it for another three months. My life had turned hell in barely five minutes.

"So ... I'm Tiffany!" Tiffany started the acquaintance. I rolled my eyes. How could that person be so happy? She looked like a dog or something since they were always so happy, like a golden retriever. She already had one thing in common; the hair color. "These are Heather, Jessica, and..." Her finger caught on to me, and when she saw my look, she dropped her hand. "That's Madison," Austin muttered to himself. I shrank slightly when he said my name, and it had everything to do with the effect he had on my body. My heart was still beating faster when he said my name; a bomb of butterflies still exploded in my stomach. But this was different. Now, along with the blissful feeling that came first came another feeling. A sense of thousands of stitches that made you shrink. An almost unbearable pain. I kept strong and tried to hide my emotions behind a cold and hard mask. "You've already been introduced," Tiffany murmured indignantly. Her comment touched me. It was like I wasn't worth getting to know. It came out like I was a bit dirty. I felt the tears starting to pile up in the corner of my eye and heard that I was not the only one struggling with Tiffany. "Jesus, man." Jessica had got up and was perpendicular to Tiffany. Her gaze was far from good-natured, her hands stubbornly sticking to her hips. "What is your problem. You've been complaining and seeing about her all the time, barely knowing her!" The silence in the room came extra loud after Jessica's angry swipe, and apparently, she wasn't done yet. "Grow up!"

I felt a pair of eyes on me and immediately looked up. I stared straight at Austin's blue binoculars. His eyes had a strange mixture of emotions that I couldn't or didn't want to distinguish. I could only stare back as the tears slowly made their way down my cheek. I hated how he still controlled me. Like a pain, your body wouldn't leave. That showed up when you needed it. Who made your whole life sick. Noiselessly tears ran down my cheeks when I could finally avert my gaze and walk to the toilet as fast as I could. I stood panting in front of the mirror. The tears seemed to slide down my cheeks more quickly and quicker, and my breathing stopped. I slowly started to hyperventilate, and I felt the panic in my body. I gasped and saw black spots appear before my eyes. I fought it, but they didn't give up. The harder I seemed to struggle, the stronger they seemed to get. Until they suddenly wholly blinded me.

The last thing I saw was a faint brown flash that ran towards me.