37. Persistent.

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Pamela's POV

I sat down quietly on my bed and wondered.

Why was I treating him so rudely...he seem to have changed.

His new demeanour just showed how nice he could be. And somehow somehow I was afraid that if I kept pushing him he might give up and I might lose him  and I might regret it.

But...but when I thought back to how he had treated me. It was difficult to remember most of it no matter how I tried. It seemed things had escalated a bit too quickly. I fell back on my bed and closed my eyes. I groaned aloud and rolled over in confusion.

Later I got and went to my desk. Sitting down, I opened a geography text book and started learning. Then I remembered about the exam I had next week. And I groaned again.

My mind was too stuffed to think at all. So I closed the book and went back into my bed to take a nap.

***

"Wanna go out?" Mackenna asked over the phone.

"I already am." I sighed slipping on the chunky heel.

"Wait..with who?" She asked.

"It's Sunday, I gotta go to church."  I groaned. I didn't like going to church. It wasn't because I had an issue with God or anything, but I felt like it was a waste of time because I could use that period to study more. The the rest to just pray to him then I'd be good.

"Ugh. What about after church?" She asked.

"PAMELA! HURRY WE'RE GETTING LATE!" My mum yelled. I accidentally hung up. Sending her a brief text, I put my phone away and hurriedly prinked myself before I left my room for downstairs and outside. 

***

We were on time for the first mass. I sat next to Eugene who was next to mom and dad. The priest came into the large hall full of many people (the congregation) and the noise from congregation dimmed when he tapped the microphone and the speaker gave out a screeching sound.

Fifteen minutes passed with the sermon and I had never felt so much...conviction in my life. Normally, I'd pay less attention in church because I would be going though notes on my phone but it seems today, God really needed my attention so I accidently left my phone back home.

"Anything or anyone you put above God and give most of your attention to, is idolatry. In a refined form." He said and I stared straight at him as thoughts flood into my head.

"You see, the devil knows exactly how to modify sin to make it looks so normal and you wouldn't even realise. For instance, because of work, you barely pray or read the Bible. Because of outgoing friends, you miss church.." he trailed on and something shot through my chest.

I felt he was directly speaking to me. I had been putting my studies above God, I had been giving my friends more attention than God. I had been putting my feelings and emotions above God.

I never ever noticed....

"Hey, you okay?" Eugene asked beside me.

"Mhm." I nodded trying not to cry. God must have been so upset with me. I felt so bad for all those moments I had felt annoyed going to Church or joining my family for a prayer.
And I also studied my notes more and read my Bible once a week.

Guilt would be an understatement of what I felt.

"But instead of just staying in your guilt, do something about it! Try to change and trust in God to guide you.." The priest preached on and certain motivational thought started flooding in my head.

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