brothers.

47~ What Have We Done?

MAJOR WARNING: This chapter contains depictions and implications of suicidal thoughts and actions. If you don't want to read this, but would like to continue, skip to the bottom for a summary.

November 27th, 2023

It worked. One way or another, it worked. The plan was flawed, maybe even stupid, but it worked... somehow. They were getting sloppy.

Ms. Howells would stop watching me at a certain point at night. I had a small window of opportunity. Tomorrow was my doctor's appointment, so if I waited, the window would close and I'd never get out of here.

At 11:00, I texted Ms. Howells good night as a test. She didn't see the message or answer, so she was most likely sleeping. I slid out of my covers, slowly approaching the camera on the bookshelf.

Carefully, I pulled on the shelf so it could lean. My arms trembled, struggling under the weight, and books fell onto the carpet. I winced at the noise, but they weren't too loud. When the camera fell, I pushed the case up as quietly as possible.

With great satisfaction, I smashed the thing to pieces with my foot. I checked my chat with Ms. Howells to make sure she hadn't seen anything.

On my desk sat my diary, hatched open to a certain page, where I'd written an apology to the Fields and my friends. They really didn't deserve this, and as much as I didn't want to hurt them, I didn't have a choice. Soon, they'd see that this was for the best. They were better off without me. The world was better without me in it.

I checked if my door was locked one more time. Every noise paralyzed me. I would expect someone to barge in at any second and pin me to the floor. I couldn't let them stop me again. I missed my chance all those years ago. I wouldn't lose it now.

I took my bottle of antidepressants. I had gotten another prescription filled recently, so there were plenty left. I poured the remaining pills in my hand. They felt soft and smooth against my palm. I took the large glass of water in my other hand.

This was it. No turning back. I would be free.

My foster parents' faces flashed through my mind. Then their sons'. Then Tony's, then my friends'. Mr. Brian. Little Addie.

I'm sorry. But I'm not strong enough.

Maybe I'd finally see Mom and Dad. Would they still love me? Would they be disappointed, or would they understand? I wasn't sure. I used to believe in Heaven when I was little, but now... it was so uncertain.

Wherever I'd go, at least I'd be free, and everyone would be happier.

I tried to move my hand, but it was as if the pills gained 1000 pounds of weight. I couldn't command it to move to my mouth. My limbs were held down somehow.

I could hear people saying it wasn't worth it. There was a chance. It could be better. I just had to give the world another shot.

But I gave it one too many.

I tried to wrench my hand out of the invisible grip, but it was strong. One last fight for my life. One last antagonist in my mind.

My vision blacked out for a moment. I inhaled, my heart pounding at the blindness. When I came to, the glass of water was empty and the pills were gone. A bitter taste registered in the back of my throat.

I... I did it. I did it. I was free. It was all over. No more. I was free. They were free. I could disappear. No one would suffer anymore.

I lied in bed, pulling the covers over me. I was just going to sleep... and never waking up.

~~~

Kyle

"WAKE UP."