See Me

57

AN this is a triple update so make sure you've read 56 first

No one knew about my attempt to... well, to not be here anymore.

No one knew the gritty details about that night. No one knew how close I had been to the end. No one knew how desperate I had been at that point.

No one, except Austin and Lucy.

I had only told Austin because I felt so guilty about stealing his pills. I felt horrible about making him an almost accomplice to my own murder.

I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him. It was like a final understanding of just how bad it had all gotten, and just how tragic it all might have been. A stunned, alarmed, devastating comprehension.

And that was just Austin, who before our new found friendship, considered us to be barely acquaintances.

So, I laid in my bed for hours, watching as the sun crept further and further into the sky, listening to the birds chirping loudly, happily signalling another morning. I laid there simply picturing the look on Zane's face.

If he ever found out.

Zane hadn't told me what time he was picking me up. I could call him, or I could text him and ask. The problem was that I was terrified he would tell me he changed his mind, and he actually didn't want to see me. That he actually didn't want anything to do with me.

So, as soon as my clock read a reasonable time, I got ready. I took extra time in grooming myself. I spent almost an hour on my hair, perfectly curling the long strands. I had to remember how to apply makeup, it felt like, because I hadn't worn any in so long. I painstakingly picked every article of clothing out, trying to find the perfect outfit.

I don't know why I cared so much. This was Zane. He had seen me at my worst. He's known me at my worst. He's cared for me at my worst.

But, maybe it's because I felt like a different person now. New and improved, in my opinion. Maybe I just wanted Zane to think so, too.

Finally, when I had nothing left to primp or fix, I sat my ass down on my living room sofa. My ears listening attentively for either the sound of wheels turning into my driveway, or the ring of my phone.

Eventually, I had to pretend to watch TV. I had to pretend to watch the TV because it's been four hours and I was still sitting in the same place.

"Did Zane cancel your plans, honey?" My dad asked me as he walked into the room, after a shocked look tentatively passed over his face. Likely at the fact that I was still sitting here.

"I don't know." I told him honestly.

"Well, maybe something came up. Did you try to call him?" He rubbed my shoulder gently as he walked behind the couch, grabbing his keys from the key holder on the wall beside me.

"Not yet." I mumbled.

My dad looked back towards me hesitantly. "Did you want me to stay home with you? We could order a pizza and watch a movie. I got called in for a meeting, but I'm sure they'll understand if I cancel."

I smiled at him. It was a genuine smile. He was really trying to be there for me. He wasn't just trying, actually. He was succeeding. "I'll be fine. Thank you though, for thinking of me."

"Are you sure?" My dad asked me again.

"I'm sure, Dad." I told him.

I glanced at the clock after my dad walked out the door. 1pm .