Half of My Heart ✔️

47 | look too close

I rest my chin on my hand, staring at my computer screen as I pick out my classes for next semester. My mind barely processes the words I read on the screen as I scroll through the options.

It's almost a relief when there's a knock at the door.

That split-second relief from not having to concentrate evaporates when I see Archer. Without saying anything, I attempt to swing the door shut, but he catches it with his hands and easily pushes it back open.

"Come on in, I guess," I say curtly when he walks in and sits on my bed. I sit back down at my desk and pretend to be captivated by my computer screen. "I'm busy."

"No, you're not."

"You're right, I'm not. I just want you to leave," I bite out, closing my laptop and turning toward him with an impatient look on my face. My phone buzzes with a text but I ignore it. "You all lied to me."

He breathes out. "We didn't lie to you."

"Yes, you did. You all did," I say. "This whole time, you all knew exactly where Dani got the drugs the first time, and none of you thought to tell me. My own family."

"I thought we should tell you," he says, matching my volume. "In the beginning, when we saw how hard you took Dani's overdose, I agreed that we should wait to tell you about Jack's part in it. But after I found out that you and Jack were involved, I made sure that Jack knew that I disapproved of him keeping it from you."

I stare at him for a second. "All those terrible things you said about him . . . about him not being who I thought he was . . ."

He looks relieved that I've connected the dots, that he can finally be truthful with me. "It was about this," he explains. He drops his gaze to his lap, shaking his head. "At first, I thought . . . I thought that Jack wanted to keep this from you because he didn't want you to be overwhelmed. But when I found he liked you as much as he did, it started to seem like he was lying just so he didn't lose you."

My throat begins to burn as I contemplate why the hell Jack would keep something like this from me. "What about Mom and Dad? Dani? How could they . . ."

"Scar, you have to understand that no one blames Jack. The only thing I can hold against him is that he didn't tell you sooner," he explains. "So Mom and Dad . . . even though they didn't blame him, I think they knew that you would blame him if you knew. Even Dani thought it would be better to not have you know."

I remember how self-loathsome and confused I was after Dani's overdose, and it muddles my mind to even think of how much more confused I would have been if I'd known about Jack's involvement. What he's saying makes sense, but knowing that my family collectively kept this huge secret from me still hurts.

For a fraction of a second, I even think of whether Jack and I ever would have dated if I'd known what he'd done.

"I just need to be alone right now," I say quietly, still not looking at him. "You can't understand the confusion that comes with knowing your entire family lied to you."

"We didn't lie to you, Scar. We were trying to protect you—"

"By lying to me," I finish for him. "Yeah, I get it."

Archer scoffs. "What's gotten into you? You weren't like this when you left a few days ago. Why are you mad now, huh? When did you start calling us all liars?"

"When I realized that I shouldn't be so quick to believe everything others tell me," I say. "Hard to know who to trust."

Archer leans back on the bed and looks at me like he's seeing a stranger. "So you don't trust me anymore? Or anyone in our family? I've tried explaining why we did what we did."