Self Destructing Messenger

#36 - Death by Hamster

Earlier, out in the hallway, Azalea took a few steps then picked up the pace to a slow jog. She needed some distance from the bulls#$@. Around the corner and through a door to the emergency stairs, only a few flights separated her from solitude. As she started up the first set of steps, she paused. Running along the ground was a bulky orange extension cord. She continued up. On the next landing was broken glass. That certainly wasn't normal. She slowed her ascent, listening and looking for any danger. Nothing happened.

The rooftop door was ajar due to the cord but she couldn't make out anything through the crack. She phased through the barrier and stopped. The power cord continued on across the gravel topped roof and ended at a somewhat mangled looking tree. Half the lights on the branches were no longer functioning and most of the ornaments were long gone.

"Merry Christmakwanzachaun, princess," came a voice from the darkness. The Man in Black emerged from the shadows and came up behind her.

She frowned. "Is that the tree from the lobby?"

"The same," he replied. "What do you think?"

Azalea tilted her head from side to side as she considered the question. Finally she replied, "I hate Christmas."

"Me too." The tree burst into flames suddenly, hexed. He pulled a flat box out from under his jacket. "Even so I got you something."

She eyed the package suspiciously. It was prettily wrapped in gold paper with red ribbon. She took it from him. Carefully she turned it sideways. The contents shifted. It didn't sound alive. She raised it closer to her face. It didn't smell dead. Still not confident, she opened it anyway. Inside was something made of leather and steel. She held it up, a bit confused.

"Is this a-"

"It's a chastity belt," he said before she could finish. "I wanted to get you a matching codpiece to be honest but you don't have testicles and after the other day I figured you might could use something like this."

Azalea chuckled, then laughed. "Thank you," she said, touching the little lock. "But where's the key?"

He coughed. "Oh uh... yes," he said and reached inside his shirt. Around his neck was a chain with a small key. He started to remove it.

"No, no," she said, easing his arm down. "You keep it. I'm the princess right? I can think of no better man to be the guardian of my chastity."

He brought up a hand to his chest in salute then tucked the key away once more.

The two watched the fire eat up the festive greenery in silence for some time.

Azalea glanced at the man beside her, his eyes brightly lit by the dancing flames. He was so hard to read. Was he even there on the roofthop with her or a million miles away? Likely the later.

"Hey," she said. "Could I ask you about something?" Doing so would probably produce varying degrees of success but what the hell.

He straightened up and peered at her with curiosity. "Yes. I will sleep with you but only with the lights off. I'm self conscious for you."

It served her right for even asking. "That's not it, besides you just gave me a chastity belt."

"Right," he said. "Well what would you like to know?"

"You were an assassin for the Voices. Did you like it?"

The Man in Black opened his mouth to speak then closed it, caught off guard.

She persisted. "Did you enjoy killing?"

Now he looked uncomfortable but only for a moment. "I don't appreciate these outlandish accusations, dearest. I was an artist specializing in blood and brain matter. I created."

"Fine," the blonde said, shrugging. "Did you enjoy creating?"

"Of course. Every piece of artwork has a story," he said, making great flourishes in the air with his arms. "You can see the vision before you even begin."

"Oh?" She took a step closer to him. "Can you see my vision?"

His already pale visage blanched and he panned down to the ground. "Princess..."

"Alright, sorry." Azalea scanned the area as if an idea would appear. The only thing she could think about was how pissed she was at Cayce. That would work. "What about Cayce?" she asked. "What would his story be?"

"The anarchist?" The Man in Black perked up again. "Well many years ago we were brothers bound by our passion for climbing. We climbed everything, hills, buildings, large lardy humans. We were well known by saint bernards and EMTs and had decided to take it to the next level, to scale the legendary Holy S#$% That's a Huge F#$%ing Mountain. I'm sure you've heard the tales of how deadly it is."

Azalea nodded even though she doubted the very existence of this landmark.

"The anarchist insisted that we pack light, bringing only one cat and two hamsters. Looking back it was such an obvious mistake. I mean two cats maybe but only one? So of course when we reached the summit, we were down to one hamster. One. That was when the anarchist betrayed me. He chucked the rodent at me with such force that it rendered me> unconscious. When I awoke he was gone as was the hamster. I knew I was a dead man."

"How'd you get down the mountain?" She asked, actually encouraging the behavior.

He gave a sly smile. "I tripped. Turns out it's way easier to get off a mountain than people think. In any case this is why, when I kill the anarchist, I will do so... with a hamster."

Maybe it was a sign that she was crazy as well that she actually understood everything he said. Maybe not the story itself as it was insane but the reasons behind it. He wasn't a murderer. It was the only way he could handle the burden set on him by his Voices.

"Actually I create, too, sometimes. I've seen the visions become reality."

"Really?" He said softly, suspicious.

"Yeah," Azalea responded, hoping her mind could weave a tale faster as her mouth could convey it. It was hard to say what the Man in Black would be amused by anyway so she dove right in. "I was royalty once, you know. A princess. My kingdom was a mass of snow white clouds, buildings of gold stretching high into the air. My people were angelic, noble but a bit obnoxious as elitists often tend to be. Below the sky city was a lesser world. No one really found it interesting but I did. It wasn't perfect but perfect is boring to be honest. So I would sit on the edge and watch the chaos for entertainment until one day someone pushed me. Can you believe it?!"

The Man in Black shook his head animatedly.

"I haven't figured my way back up there but I'm in no hurry. When I do, whoever sits on my throne is going to get quite a shove."

A genuine smile appeared on the Man in Black's face, not even a hint of crazy. "I knew you were a princess."

Azalea smiled, too.