Believe Me ✔️

[19] One Minute

Four Days Later

Depressed. That's what I've become, if that's even the right term for it. I don't eat anymore, or I forget to, I think. I'm living on auto-pilot in default mode, back to old days and old ways. Going to class is hard when everyone stares and whispers behind your back, so I've stayed in bed and ditched every day this week. I check my grades online and they're dropping fast, but I can't bring myself to care. I stand in the guest bathroom, staring at the heavy bags under my dull eyes, and run my tongue over my teeth. The taste's unpleasant and I need to brush them, but I can't tell my brain to tell my arm to pick up the toothbrush.

"Addy?" Tyler calls out from the hall, knocking twice before opening it, and peeks his head in. "Umm, we need to leave now or we're going to be late for school."

"I don't need a ride."

"Come on, Addy. Don't be like that."

I push on the door, saying, "You can go now."

Tyler shoots his hand through and I stop the door before it smashes his arm. "How long are you going to be mad at me?"

"As long as needed," I snap, grabbing his wrist and shoving him out. "Now go away."

"You're self-destructing, Addy. I'm not going to let it happen again."

My words shoot to kill and I don't stop myself as I tell him, "You let it happen the first time, so why does it matter now?"

His face falls and he asks, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe if you had been a better brother, I wouldn't have tried killing myself."

Arrow through the heart and I regret it immediately, but I can't take it back now. Tyler doesn't say anything as he stares at me with his hurt puppy dog eyes. If he starts crying, I'm going to slam the door in his face and climb back in the shower and cry again. His voice is quiet when he speaks, whispering, "I know you're just hurt and lashing out right now, so I'm going to give you space, even though that's all I've been doing all week."

"Good. Bye." I slam the door in his face and rest my forehead against the wood, sighing. What the fuck is wrong with me? I hear Tyler's car outside and listen to it fade away. One look at myself in the mirror and I don't see anything else but a monster, an evil girl with a wicked heart, and I look sixteen again.

Sleep. I'm so tired. I slump back to the guest room, yawning, and crawl into bed, hiding under the covers as I cry myself to sleep. I drift off, and I'm startled awake hours later by a large engine blaring from the driveway. I bolt up in bed, eyes wide, and walk over to the window and look out. Tyler's driving my car. Why is he driving my car? I jog outside to Tyler as he's climbing out of the driver's seat. "What are you doing?"

"Got your window fixed," Tyler states, tossing my keys, and I look at the brand new window. "You're welcome." He walks by without another word.

"Thank you," I whisper to myself because Tyler is already in the house and he can't hear me.

A weird feeling turns in my stomach and I suddenly don't feel good as I run back inside to the guest bathroom. I fall to my knees and throw up, choking and coughing as I hug the toilet. I flush and grab the counter to pull myself up, washing my hands, and I rinse out my mouth. I take in deep breaths as I stare at myself in the mirror and my gaze breaks and I look at the wall. A box of tampons sits on a shelf and my eyes widen. I missed my last period.

"No, no, no..." I whisper, shaking my head, and I count back the days in my head. Shit. This cannot be happening. I grab my keys and purse, running out to my car, and drive to the nearest CVS. I park out front and run in, startling an elderly couple as I navigate through the small store to the right aisle. Okay, found them. Pregnancy tests. Why... are there so many? I look over different brands, different prices, different uses, and I'm stumped. I don't know which one to get. How hard could it be to pee on a stick? Simple, right? Which is the right one? "Why are there so many?" I scream, grabbing three different boxes before rushing back to the front. I drop the tests on the counter.