Believe Me ✔️

[21] Angel Donation

I ignore Logan's call and toss my phone in the passenger seat, blasting the radio to mask out my consistent ringtone. I'm on my way to get tested, per Uncle Frank's fatherly advice, and I don't need to deal with my boyfriend's shit right now. I find an empty spot in the parking lot and head inside, and I'm grateful for wearing a hoodie as the cold air rushes over me. I recognize the nurse behind the front desk and I wish it were someone else. Nurse Birch (or Nurse Bitch- as I nicknamed her) and I never got along, really. "Hi. Umm, I need a test done. For STDs." Real smooth, Addy. "Do I need to make an appointment or do you take walk-ins?"

"Yes, we take walk-ins. I just need you to sign in real quick and a doctor will be out shortly to assist you."

"Okay. My name is—"

Nurse Birch interrupts me and laughs. "Addy Alway. I know exactly who you are." She types on her keyboard, side-eyeing me with a mutter, "From what I remember, you got quite the reputation."

She remembers. Of course she does. How could she forget? I haven't. "Yeah..." Impatient, I tap the counter and lean forward to ask, "Do you think you could ask the doctor to hurry up? This is really urged."

"Of course."

"Really?"

She snorts and says, "If you were someone else, maybe, but you're you and I'm me, and me says: 'Nah uh."

Now I remember why I called her Nurse Bitch.

She waves me off. "Go ahead and have a seat. Wait for your name to be called."

"Thank you," I whisper, turning around to find a seat in the almost-empty waiting room. There's an elderly couple by the wall and I recognize them. Mr. and Mrs. Crumble. I almost forgot, Natasha! She tried to kill herself a few weeks ago. I wonder why they're still here. I should go over and say something, ask about their daughter, but my feet refuse to move. I'm sure they'd be glad if they never saw me again. Sophomore year I took a baseball bat to their mailbox and broke a water pipe. Their house flooded and they lost everything. They had to move. I spin around before they can see me.

I am such a horrible person.

Keeping my head down, I sit across the room away from the couple and stare at the off-white tile, peeking a glance now and then. Mrs. Crumble starts crying and I fill with guilt. If they're still here at the hospital, Natasha is still alive, but if she's still here, something else must be wrong. I stand up before the command meets my brain and I walk over to them. For once in my life, I am going to do the right thing and take responsibility. I want to make things right. My feet line up with their chairs and they look up and I don't know how they feel about seeing me. "Mr. and Mrs. Crumble? Hi. I'm Addy Alway. I'm sure you know who I am and I'm sure you probably hate me. You have a right to. I don't blame you. I hate me, too, right now." I take in a deep breath and push through the awkward apology. "No amount of apologies can ever make up for what I did, but I am sorry. I am so sorry about everything. I heard about Natasha and I wanted to come and say that you guys are so strong right now. She's lucky to have you for parents. Suicide is not something to get through easily. I have personal experience myself. I hope she's okay. Is Natasha okay?"

Betsy smiles. "Yes, Addy. Natasha is doing well."

That settles the anxiety in my stomach. "That's good."

"Good?" Arnold asks, scoffing. "The doctors are leeching off of us, making Natasha stay day after day, week after week. It's going to cost us a damn fortune."

"Arnold, don't speak like that." Betsy grabs her husband's hand and pats it. "You have to have faith. We'll figure this out. We always do."

Mr. and Mrs. Crumble smile at each other, holding hands, as if they aren't battling the world right now. I wish I could be as brave as them.