Ghost of You

t w e l v e

Anticipation is a funny thing.

It can be one of the most aggravating and frustrating feelings. The waiting, the wondering... it can be excruciating. But at the same time, I wonder if it makes everything a little better. Would the movie be as good if you hadn't spent so much time waiting in excitement for it's premiere? Would you be as enthralled when the two best friends finally realized their love for each other at the end of the book if you hadn't spent the last four-hundred pages praying that they would?

That is the best way I could describe my first week working upstate.

It was a work-filled seven days. Building this program from the ground up and keeping things running smoothly at a new facility was taking all of my time and energy. You'd be surprised how many accidents can happen when there is a room full of super-powered individuals in-training. Nat and Steve had their hands busy keeping the new recruits in line and preparing them to join the team.

Among these enhanced-individuals was Vision, who had seemed to take a liking to Wanda. I was glad she had decided to join after everything that happened in Sokovia and was grateful to see that she hadn't completely closed herself off from everyone else. I had also been happy to see two more familiar faces upstate, one of which was Steve's friend Sam Wilson who was still calling me Steve's girl. I had retaliated by only referring to him since then as the Bird Man. The other was Rhodes, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit how excited I was that he would be here too, an old friend in what was turning into a new and frightening post-Ultron world.

As wonderful as it was to have so many people I knew around, the truth was I had barely gotten to see them for more than a few minutes. In fact, I wasn't sure if I had sat down once in the past ten hours. In the past week, I had been running around putting out fire after fire. First it was an issue in the global securities department, then a fiasco with the head of the treasury department, then it was a literal fire which Sam claimed to have no association with but I knew he was connected to somehow.

I liked staying busy and working hard, it made me feel fulfilled in my work life, assisting in a higher cause I was proud of. Nevertheless, I had essentially zero time for relaxation or anything other than quick conversations with pretty much anyone, including Steve.

I had seen him around on more than one occasion but only for brief moments in very public spaces. For awhile, it felt like our last conversation at the tower might have been some sort of weird, twisted dream. But then Steve would look at me, pinning me with eyes that caused icicles to crystallize in my mind and my feet, freezing them to the floor. It was then I would know it hadn't been a dream. He had me in his sights but not yet within his grasp. I think that with each look he sent my way he was reminding me of what was still unfinished between us. That he wasn't going to let me forget the to be continued of our last interaction even if I wanted to. Meanwhile I was too stuck trying to figure out if I even wanted to remember the arrangement we had made or not.

To be fair he had pretty much held up to his end of the bargain. There had been a noticeable lack of comments regarding the tightness of whatever clothes I was wearing. That being said we hadn't spent anytime alone since we had arrived here so that wasn't saying much. He had always saved his comments for private moments when nobody else was around. I wouldn't know for sure if he would be true to his word until we were alone.

This brings me back to the whole anticipation thing.

As focused as I was on work, I spent much of my time wondering when the moment where we would be together and alone would actually happen. Every time I turned the corner of an empty hallway or felt a tap on my shoulder I wondered if it would be him that I saw in front of me. Some part of me was anxiously awaiting that moment, needing to know what would happen when it finally did. The other was terrified of being disappointed by the ending, whatever it may be. Something was building in me, the uncertain expectations of what was to come driving me crazy in a way I hadn't known was possible. Apparently even in the tentative truce we made Steve was still managing to find ways to make me go insane. Only he could have found a way to manage that.