Ghost of You

f o r t y - f o u r

*A/N: I can't believe that this is almost it, every time I think about this story ending I get too emotional to even write it. I've been taking breaks by writing other things, like my new book of Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes One Shots that I just published the first two parts of, and of course Until I Found You,which will be released once I finish the last remaining chapter of Ghost of You :) *

I used to love wearing the color black.

To be honest, I'm not really sure why. I think it made me feel powerful, confident. But staring around this lawn of people, all wearing some form of black or another, I can't help but feel like it's all entirely wrong.

Black isn't even a real physical color. It's just what we see when our eyes aren't reflecting any light. It's literally the absence of color. I don't understand who picked black for a funeral, but it seems like a poor way to celebrate the life of someone so colorful and vibrant. Tony Stark and his legacy isn't black at all, it's every shade and pigment imaginable, it's the entire fucking rainbow.

The ceremony has been over for about thirty minutes now. Family and friends were beginning to disperse, paying their respects. I was glad to have heard that Tony hadn't vanished during the initial snap. He had gotten married to Pepper, had a beautiful daughter Morgan. As much as it is unfair that he can't be here with all of us now, I'm glad that he got that time with them.

The funeral was being held at a lake, just outside Tony's cabin. People stayed around afterward, talking, sharing stories. I had thought about staying, conversing with the various groups, but in the end had chosen to veer off to the side. After a short walk through the woods, I had stumbled on a small bank, where the lake met the moss and dirt covered sand that offered more privacy.

It had been hard lately. I know I shouldn't complain. I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I just wasn't really sure where I fit in here anymore. It's like one night I had fallen asleep, and then when I woke up I found myself in a world where right is left, and up is down. My friends, the ones that were left, had lived five years of their lives in what was literally the blink of an eye for me. And my friends that had snapped along with me were all making plans for the future. I couldn't even see past tomorrow, past the next few hours really.

Before I had been snapped, I had made my peace with having to leave the others behind. I had been grateful, that even if I had to go, the others would be able to stay. In the end, the fight to bring everyone back hadn't just cost us Tony, but Nat too.

We had won. Thanos was gone, and everyone that was lost had been returned. It just didn't feel like much of a victory to me. Not when both Nat and Tony had made these incredible sacrifices that the world would never be able to repay. We'd forever be in both of their debts. I don't know how to let go of them. I don't know how to move forward, when I never got to say goodbye.

I'm not sure how long I stand there, staring at the edge of the river. It's enough time for me to see that there's a slight breeze in the air, causing the surface of the water to ripple. There's a few lillypads floating along the top and a turtle's head peaking up between two of them. Behind me, the tree branches are rustling and a twig snaps. Moments later, a figure appears, walking up to stand next to me.

"I was wondering where you ran off to."

Steve puts his hands in his pockets, staring out onto the lake. We stand there quietly, listening to the sounds of the woods around us. You can hear the chatter of people back the cabin, subdued, but plentiful.

"Have you ever had that dream where you're back in school, but you can't remember your class schedule?" I ask him, breaking our silence. "Everyone else is running off in one direction or the other, everyone else knows exactly what they're doing and where they're going but you're just standing there, knowing you're going to be late for something but not even knowing what it is or where it was happening."