Ghost of You

t w e n t y - e i g h t

People assume that there's something very disorienting about waking up for the first time after you've passed out. It's not an entirely wrong sentiment but it's often over-dramatized. In truth, there's nothing dramatic about it at all. It feels sort of like waking up in the middle of a dream. For a moment you're laying there, questioning which reality is actually real. Then your brain puts the pieces together, you forget about the dream and move on with your day.

This was sort of what it felt like as I began to come to my senses. Only when I finally woke up, I would have much rather been living the nightmare of my dream than the nightmare of my reality. One moment I was losing all of the air in my lungs, the next I appeared to be laying on a cot tucked into the corner of an office surrounded by those teal glass walls. There was a flurry of movement outside, various agents and military officials were all bustling around. The last time I had woken up like this, Steve had been by my side, his jacket bunched up to act as a pillow underneath my head. This time I was alone, my head still pounding furiously from where Barnes had so unceremoniously knocked me unconscious.

The fact that nobody was checking on me and the entire office seemed to be in a panic led me to believe one thing, James Buchanan Barnes Jr. had escaped and now they were scrambling to get him back. I felt a buzzing in my back pocket, my cell phone beginning to ring. I didn't even look at it, I just sat up letting my head rest in my hands. My phone started to vibrate for a second time, and again, I left it in my pocket. I didn't want to speak to Ross right now, I didn't want any more orders or favors or anything. I just wanted to go home.

The door to the office swung open, the sudden influx of noise from the area outside making me lift my head up out of my hands. When I did, I saw Tony standing in front of me with his arm outstretched. I took his hand and let him pull me into a standing position. 

"Sorry you had to wake up on your own." He said. "I've been sitting next to you for over an hour and you just had to wake up in the five minutes I left to go to the bathroom and make me look like a complete ass."

He's glaring at me in that sarcastic manner I had grown so accustomed too. That action alone caused the weight of how much I had truly missed him to come crashing down around me. I didn't hesitate at my next instinct, I just took a step forward and pulled him into a hug. He seemed slightly surprised at first, but then his arms wrapped around me. My worry about my mom, my frustration with my job, the confusion surrounding my dad, and the giant mess I had landed myself in with Steve was for once, just too much. I had been trying so hard to compartmentalize all of these concerns. I had been walking around not feeling anything for so long, thinking that was better than acknowledging the underlying pain. Talking to Steve yesterday must have opened the floodgates to everything that I seemed to be doing wrong with my life. It was like I was stuck at the bottom of a hole, armed only with a shovel. I had nothing to get me out, only the tools to dig myself in deeper.

"I still haven't forgiven you for quitting on me, you know." He grumbled, causing me to chuckle through watery eyes as I pulled away from him. 

"Neither have I." I admitted, truthfully.

Thankfully, the emotional hug and sappy words were the extent of the overkill emotions for today, my tears stayed in my eyes where I could blink them away. I didn't think I could have handled the embarrassment if they had spilled over my cheeks instead. 

Tony grabbed a cup of water from off the desk, pushing it towards me.

"Drink." He instructed, I obliged. Then he held out his other arm, dropping a little plastic bag with two pills inside.

 "Aspirin." His statement answered my unasked question. "For the headache."

I popped the pills into my mouth, downing them with the rest of my water.