Indie and Sawyer's Lockdown Blues

Day 14

I get up at 6 and get started on the turkey.

It needs to cook slowly for 8-12 hours and I put it in as I start on the sides.

I make the mashed potatoes and just asked potatoes because I liked the taste of them and cover them ready for later.

Sawyer comes out of his room.

"Merry Christmas Ana." He says and I cringe when he calls me that.

"Merry Christmas." I say. He comes and looks at the food.

"Looks good Indie, I can't wait." He says and I nod.

"Dinner starts at probably 8, I'll message when it goes." I say to him without really looking, I still feel bad.

"Okay. I'll be there. I mean there's not really anywhere else I can be." He says and laughs and I nod.

I wasn't making this for him. I wanted to taste a good Christmas dinner for the first time in ages.

It had been years and this year was the only year I'd been feeling festive.

I start getting ready.

I hop in the shower and keep my hair way from the water.

I exfoliate my body with body scrub before washing it all off and cleaning my body with my body wash.

I was feeling okay today for the first time in ages and I guess maybe Sawyer had a little to do with it.

I know it probably wouldn't last long but what's the harm in relishing in the good things, even just for a moment.

I get out and dry my body off and get into a nice long sleeved red dress, just to feel festive.

It was very flowy and velvety. I really don't know why I felt like wearing a dress. It must've been ages since I wore a dress.

I checked on the chicken before leaving it be for a while.

***

7:48PM

The turkey was done and I was making sure that everything else was ready.

The dinner was finally done.

I message Sawyer that dinner is ready and I wait.

I start putting some food on the plates and make sure it all looks good.

I made it look as homely as possible without making it look like something romantic.

I sit there for 15 minutes before I decide that I'd go and knock on his door in case he fell asleep or something.

I hear him before I can knock.

"Yeah. She made some Christmas dinner. I'm
not gonna have it, she is such a bore! I don't want to speak to her at all." I tiptoe away and get my phone to see that he had seen my message.

I sit there in hopes maybe he'd come and eat with me.

I sat there for an hour and a half and for what?

I just wanted to eat some dinner with someone and he was probably the first person that helped me consider eating a proper, good meal after so long but that was the problem.

I always put my hopes in Sawyer.

I always did and it always backfired.

I go to my room and then get card I got for him and put it on the table.

He still deserved a little Christmas cheer.

I go to my room and lock the doors as I take off my dress and put it neatly away in my closet and shut the closet doors.

I get my pyjamas and put them on, putting on my fluffy socks as well.

I get into my bed and stare at the ceiling.

I put my AirPods in as I look through my messages.

I never got to taste that Christmas dinner after all and it didn't really count anymore when it's cold because it's a leftover.

Only my other roommates wished me a Merry Christmas back.

I look at the two blue ticks next to my father and mother's contacts and I hold my phone close to me as I start to feel really sad.

What really hurts is seeing the grey tick next to Francis' name.

It really, really hurt.

I start to cry as I feel the sobs rack my chest, making it throb.

I start hyperventilating as I try to wipe my tears, I'm blubbering like a little child, emphasis on the blubbering and little child.

I eventually calm my breathing down as I get a suitcase and pack my stuff, I'd only be gone for a week at most.

I pack all my essentials in my backpack and my clothes in suitcase.

A lot of my shoes were at home so I wouldn't need to pack any of those.

I get my laptop and put it in my laptop bag with my charger and all my other electronics.

I grab my keycard and car keys before leaving the dorm and I'm reminded of it all once again when I see my full dinner sitting there on the table waiting to be touched.

I lock the door because Sawyer never, ever remembers to do that and I go to the car park and put my stuff in there.

I start my car and drive to the police training academy on campus and go to the dorms.

Spatek is awake and I catch her before I leave.

"Hey Oliwia." I say and she comes up to me, clear worry on her face.

"Hi Indie, what's up?" She says as she hands me a tissue.

"I'm just going back home, someone needs to look after the house." I say as I give her the addresses and she nods.

"Okay. If you need me, call me. Okay?" She says and I nod.