My Darling Choir Girl

Chapter 1

If I had to think back to when I first realized I was attracted to women, it would be back in high school. I went to a boarding school that teaches you how to be independent and self-sufficient but also co-dependent and team-oriented. You are locked in there for several months at a time with only your fellow students as company. It is a place where you are expected to focus on your studies and spirituality, free of boys and otherworldly temptations. You have church every Sunday and holy hour every Tuesday morning and Thursday evening after classes. When I first walked into the compound, I thought this was an excellent environment. I was going to have no distractions. I would focus on studying hard to get into a successful career. I didn't even know what I wanted to be at the time.

Throughout my elementary school years, I was told that indulging in physical 'activities' with boys was a bad thing. My mother was a bit anti-man. So her big idea was to ship me off to an all-girls boarding school to keep me away from boys during my curious years. I never worried about feeling anything for girls because I had been in a mixed-gender school, and never once did those feelings come up. So here I was, sixteen years old, having very confusing feelings in what was supposed to be a 'temptation-free environment.' It was at this point that I realized distractions come in different flavours, shapes, sizes, heights, and most of all, they come in any gender.

I developed a few crushes, but the deepest ones were on two girls (Martha and Bridget), who were two classes ahead of me. I befriended them in an attempt to get to know them to see if my attraction was merely physical or if there was something else drawing me to them. Martha was very religious. She attended church events, led bible study, and sang in the choir. She was very much forbidden, yet she aroused the dirtiest thoughts in my mind. Bridget was a sports fanatic. She was moderately religious but loved her secular lifestyle and smutty books. Things between Bridget and me did not go any further than friendship. Martha, on the other hand, led me to more epiphanies than I had anticipated.

I was always loosely grounded into my faith which is partly why my parents sent me to this school. My parents were always too busy to go to church or be at home, so we never really divulged into religious practices as a family. They picked this school because it shapes you and molds you into the ideal Christian girl. The expectation was that we attended all church events and made acquaintances with people who were role models in our walk with Christ. My role model was coincidentally Martha, my beloved crush. I figured that since I gravitated towards her in other areas, I might have a spiritual epiphany through her. My relationship with Martha opened so many doors for me. I can say with pride that she taught me a lot about life, temptation, prayer, and erotic edging. The furthest we went was fingering and a little nipple caressing. We couldn't do anything more because there was never any privacy, and anyone found to be engaging in lesbian 'activities" was expelled.

I am now in my third year in university student pursuing social work. I have since moved on from high school teases and flirtation. I am still engaged in the church because I have some relationship with God. I am nowhere close to being a diligent follower, but I make it a point to attend church and mid-week bible study for an hour and a half on Wednesday evenings at seven o'clock.

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