alone again / Finished BxB /

lakes and cigarettes

After a few minutes of just sitting on the ground i knew i should get something to eat because im going out later. Starving to death isnt really a option that i want to take.

I looked in some drawers but only find some bread thats already dry and not good but i guess it would work.

I put some off brand Nutella on it and eat it. The apartment is getting hotter and hotter every single day and so is the weather.

Its already 6pm and i need to be ready at 7pm ish. I am way to fucking lazy to change out of this outfit. Who cares if they see what i just did. I wash off the words so atleast that sint visible.

They already saw it before and didnt comment on it so i guess its fine. They probably wont care if i die or not . I barley know them.

I dont even know who would go to my funeral to be honest. I think dean might come but maybe he will just skip it if he sees hes the only one there.

I dont think my parents would come all the way from itally back here. Why come to a dead person when you didnt want to come when they were alive right?

All our life we collect people for your weddig day if u get one or your funeral. But not me. I want to be alone forever.

This one slice of bread isnt going to cut it to make me not hungry anymore but i dont have anything at home. I usually get nauseous after eatinf a lot anyways.

The end of the months are the worst. No money left in my back account so nothing i can do. Not even get food.

And hell no im never going to a food bank and get food while others need it more then me. I dont wanna waste it on myself. Who wants to waste their money and time on someone that the future doesnt hold.

7pm hits sooner then i thought. I brush my hands trough my hair so it doesn't look to bad and take my jacket. I hope it doesnt stain with even more blood .

I call up dean to ask where we are all going.

Me : hey dean where are we going?
Dean : the lake i an pretty sure.
Me : you wanna pick me up and walk together?
Dean : i will get my bike , ill be there soon.

Dean lives pretty close to me. I used to be in the same class as him in highschool and he always picked me up even back then.

I dont have my bike anymore since it crashed into a lake a few years ago. It was to deep to get it out so i let it stay there.

I already walked down so dean wouldnt have to call me or come up to get me. Its around 25⁰C even in the night. The jacket is making me overheat a lot but still i wear it.

I dont want them to see it all. I am not some open book you can read and throw away.

I sit down on the little concrete stairs at the front of the building. I havent worn shorts out in a very long time . Even tho there still pretty long it feels weird. The little wind that is here is blowing agaisnt my skin.

Must be something normal for most people but here i am thinking its the weirdest feeling ever.

Not longer then 2 minutes later i see dean come towards me with his bike. His bike is old but it still doesnt break down.

I stand on the back of the bike and tell dean to go. The wind brushes trough my hair and on my face. I missed this feeling.

We bike past a lot of boring apartment complexes the same looking one as the next one that comes around. There is barley any green in this area. Its more of a fuck nature type of place right here.

They wanted to remove all the houses here but at the end they kept staying here due to the cost of it. Money is everything.

After around 6 minutes we are by the lake. I see the same café were i first met my girl and had our first kiss there. Now i look at that same place with a whole diffrent feeling.

Not far from the café i see the gang. They arent really a gang i think but they all look tough and like they might be one.

I jump off the bike and so does dean. Dean just lets the bike fall on the grass next to the lake.

Its beautiful here and you can see the other city across the water. The like isnt really wide but its very long and steches far until the end of this city.

"You guys are early" dean says to them. Maybe its a tthing or them coming really early to something but me and dean never come early to something.  Were around 10 minutes late already but they dont seem to bother.

Clyde is smoking some ccigarette and so is apollo. Maybe they got one for me. I dont even know what were doing here i didnt ask mai.

I sit next to clyde and appolo. Were the closest to the lake. Were all sitting in a straight line one next to the other one. All our pants getting dirty with the grass and dirt under us.

Cylde got a other tattoo on his hand. Its a really cool looking  dagger on his shoulder. "Cool tattoo cylde" i say to him. "Thanks" he replied shortly but i could feel the hint of anger. I don't think he likes me.

Apollo hands me a cigarette and a lighter. I havent smoked in a long time but i want to. I dont have to worry about if i might die from cancer or whatever when i already am not living long.

Mai is playing some soft music. Not depressed but not really happy either. I never asked the name of it but i shouldve.

"Dash, arent u overheating atm" i hear clyde say and laugh at me. He probably thinks im stupid for wearing a jacket in his weather. Maybe he knows.

"Im fine its not to hot anyways" i reply, it is to hot and i am overheating but still i cant take it off. Imagine how dean will be pissed off at me again.

Mai and Ryder start talking about somehing but i cant hear what they say. Dean joins them in the conversation after a bit.

I just realist xiever hasnt said a thing yet to anyone. Normally hes the type to talk the most of all of them. But im not talking too so maybe hes just annoyed that im here again.

Apollo wispers something in clydes ear and then in xievers ear. A conversation i dont think i should be part of. They all smile with a evil look at me. "go!" They all say and pick me up by my legs and arms.

There all laughing and cheering. I see mai and dean a laughing at what there doing. I am stuggeling to get out of the grib they have me in but i am laughing.  Am i laughing? I dont deserve happyness but i cant help but laugh at them.

"There is his smile!" Apollo says laughing with the 6 of us. I havent smiled since forever let alone laugh. The evil smiles they did are coming back and they move me towards the lake.

"Noooooo!" I laugh out and try and come free. "Were not letting you go dash!" Xiever says in a laugh.its the first time i ever heared him laugh. Its the contagious type of laugh, the one that makes you laugh and makes you want to hear it over and over again.

Were at the edge of the lake and dean mai and ryder are chanting "drop him!" Oh no im going to be soaked. then just before they wanted to trow me in the lake clyde coughs really loud trying to get our attation. "Were all here at this execution of sir dash. He did the unforgettable crime of wearing a jacket in this weather. He can either remove it right now or be in the water forever!" Clyde laughs with everyone.

Oh.

My smile disapears but they already saw the scares right so what does it matter. They drop me on the grass and i take off my jacket. As soon as i did it i regret it.

All their smiles disapear. I understand them but still it doesnt feel good. I put on my jacket really quick before dean could realise what i did.

I stand up and walk away. I will just walk back to the apartment myself it isnt to far i guess. But then i feel a hand on my shoulder holding me back. Its apollo.

"its fine man come back" he says probably trying to make me feel better even though its not working.

"I will just leave its fine you guys go on" i say to them but apollo doesnt let me go and just drags me by the hood of my jacket back to where we were sitting.

"Give me your jacket dash" clyde says still in a joking matter to make the mood more cheerful like it was a few secconds before.

They already saw it so why not. I take of the jacket and try and cover the wounds with my hand. Trying my best to hide it even though its no use.

Okaaay thats it for this chapter :)