alone again / Finished BxB /

car lights and last breaths

The 2 week mark came around pretty quickly. Xavier has been in my apartment for the last 2 weeks instead of his own house with jade. I introduced him to hayden and noah and they all seemed to get along well.

Its a weird feeling, the 1 year anniversarys of relationships or friendships. The last time it didnt end for me well, but its a new chapter with new words right?

It feels like a lifetime away. It still burns my heart everytime i talk or think about it but it feels like a different me. Before it all happend i was happier then ever and after i was broken and alone but right now i think i am even better.

Maybe the way to life is to except death. Excepting is one of the first things you need to understand while griefing. You need to except you cant hug or talk to them and everything about them are just memories. But arent we supposed to know what is waiting for us just around the corner.

Its already 2 pm and we've made some pancakes and watched some bad movid and trashed every single stupid thing in it while he was in my arms. "You didnt forget the party tonight right?" He asks me for the thousends time these 2 weeks. "I ddint forget bur we could stay home" i say with a cheeky smile "ive already told everyone were coming" he says and gives me a kiss. "Ughhh sometimes i forget my bf is a social butterfly" i say acting annoyed even though i am not.

Dinner came around sooner then i thought and we made some pasta and got ready for the party. I wear some more good looking clothes for once and actually made a afford to look good. I put on some cologne on me and Xavier and we were ready to go.

We take xaviers car that has been repared last week. "Are the others going to be there?" I ask him "they tell me its a 'privet moment' and they dont want to third weel us all night" hs laughs at me .

"How will we go back our  home?" I ask him "probably get a taxi i will ger the car tomorrow or whenever i have time" he says to me and i smile knowing he wont ever drink and drive like i did... "wait did you just say our home?!" He asks me trying to hide the excitement. "Maybe" i say teasing him. 

Its around a 20 minute drive which was further away theni thought it will be. We arive at this dark club that looks pretty popular and growded with people. "Look at the name" he says to me with a smile 'gay nightclub' as soon as i realised i gave him a hug and took his hand and draging him in.

I could see a lot of gay couples around here and it imidiatly made me feel saver. "You said you wanted to go to a drag queen show but there werent any around so i thought a gay bar was good" he says in my ear so i can understand him over the basting music. "This is even better thsnk you!"  I say excited and take his hand and drag him with me.

We went to the dance floor and i could see a guy looking xavier up and down and giving a wink. I give the guy a dirty look and grab xaviers face and kiss him. "I know youre trying to scare of that guy but he looks even more into me now" xavier says to me just loud enough for me to hear. "Fuck that guy youre for me alone" i say to him and xavier kisses my forehead laughing at me.

The guy comes closer to us and i got more irritated. "Are you looking for some fun" he says to both of us and i roll my eyes. Xavier laughs at my reaction and responds "no were good" in a more friendly way then i wouldve done. "They should maks a tshirt that says 'this one is mine dont touch' i think that one would be sold good" i say half annoyed and xavier laughs even more at my stupid jokes. "Youre cute when youre jealous" he says to me "thats such a lie" i say to him he gives me a other kiss and we dance even more.

The only songs i could recognise were some taylor swift and girl in red songs, i had a huge taylor swift fase when i was younger and she just blew up.  Me and xavier dance even more and i could see for the first time he isnt uncomfortable being so open with me around other people.

"Do you wanna go?" He asks me around 1 am when he can clearly see my social battery ran out. "Yeah will you get a taxi?" I ask him and we both walk outside. "Sorry my social battery ran out" i say to him trying to apologize. "Its okay dont worry" he says to me and gives me a kiss on my forehead and i smile at him. He is perfect in every single way, he is more then i could ever dream of

It freshly rained like last time and it was dark out like last time and i was with a guy i loved like last time. The only thing thats different is time and the day and that i love xavier in a non friendship way.

I take xaviers hand and squeez it one time. I am absolutely exausted but xavier looks like he could go on for hours more but he stoped for me.

The taxi comes by pretty quickly and i dit at the right side and xavier at the left. We dont hold hands again but thats fine. I put my head agaisnt the cold window trying to sober up a tiny bit. "I love you" xavier mouths to me and i say it in a wisper so the driver doesnt hear it.

I didnt see the truck.

all i could see was a flash of light coming twords me and a honk of a car. The next time ahen i opend my eyes i was on the cold concrete road barley conscious.

I didnt feel anything, no pain or any touch. I try my best to keep my eyes open but there so heavy. Am i dying? Am i going out the same way elijah did?

I could hear xavier scream my name from a distance and him running twords me. With every step i could hesr a splash of water with it from the fresh rain.

I try and move my head twords him but my body doesnt let me move. "Dash?" He says to me and i try my best to look at him. He sits next to me and holds my hands and i could see the tears and pain in his eyes. Is this what elijah felt like?

"Its okay xavier" i managed to push out "please dont go i cant do it without you" he says to me in a cry. The pain in his voice hurts me more then the blood coming out of me.

I try and move my hand up to his face and with a lot of my strength i managed to. "Its okay, youre save" i say to him trying to give him a tiny smile. I could feel my consciousness slip more out of reality with every seccond that passes by.

"Please dash, please stay alive for me" he begs me with tears streaming down his face. The sirens are coming close again just like last time. It isnt for elijah this time but for me.

"I love you" i say to him and i knew it was going to be the last thing i would say. "I love you" i hear xavier saying over and over again cradling himself with my agaisnt his cheek.

At the moment of death i realised elijah never hated me for this. I always thought he would be mad or hurt. He felt save that i was there just like xavier is here for me. He might even felt at peace like i feel right now.

A single tear drop fall from my eye and with every breath i took the next one was even harder to take. Xavier is still saying i love you over and over again and the ambulance is just around the corner. I knew it would be to late to save me but thats fine.

Youve loved me until my last breath. Like we said we would,
you and me forever.