alone again / Finished BxB /

alone again

Ive been close to death all my life. I have accepted the faith that's waiting for me. It's only normal, right ? Living your life to the fullest to die happy with a legacy you will be proud of. I dont know if I am proud of the legacy i will leave behind, but you can't change the past right.

It's still weird being all alone without anybody. I just have one friend who stayed by me after the accident. I've regretted my decision all the time, but instead of wishing what it could've been, i should think about it now.

Sitting alone on the cold bathroom floor isn't the legacy i want to keep behind. I dont want people to call me weak, a failure, and all together a disappointment.

It's been 3 years since the accident happened. Every time i think about it, i could feel the pit in my stomach and the pain in my chest. It's less overbearing every day, but still, it plays in my mind every day.

I take a deep breath and splash some water in my face, hoping it will wash away the memories even though i know it won't. I could hear my phone ring and see is dean. My good friend for a few years now.

"Im with some friends. Do you wanna come?" He says, obviously intoxicated. "Nah" i simply say "you have to come outside at some point" he says to me. Fuck going outside and fuck people. "You can leave whenever you want to, and i will be by your side the whole time" he says and i could heae some voices calling him "ill text you the address" he says to me and hangs up the phone.

I throw my phone on the bed and put on some green cargo pants and a black tshirt. I know he is right, i should go out again its been a while since ive actually felt something. 

I try to style my brown wavy hair a bit but all it did was make it looks floofy and even worse. I just splash some water on it and pray for the best. Who cares how i look like anyways. I take my jacket with me and go to the park dean said he would be at.

I know the park dean send me isnt so far so i can walk there. I arive 3 minutes later and see dean smile at me when he sees me and waving at me telling me to come. He looks suprised and happy that i came.

"There you are!" He says excited to me and pats me on a back. "Sorry i couldnt hang out yesterday i was hangover" he says to me and i shrug at his half empty excuse.

I see 4 people talking to each other on a little picnic blanket. One looks like he is waiting for dean to come over but dean doesn't seem to notice. "You should meet my friends" he says dragging me by my arm with faded scars.

He drags me over to the group of people. 1 girl and 3 guys. The girl got long straight honeybrown hair. Her head is rested on a bigger guys lap with a joint between her lips
The girl is wearing a dark green croptop with some camo pants and a shit ton of makeup but it looks good on her.

The bigger guy were she is resting her head onto is covered in tattoos that stop just before they reach his neck. He looks scary but got a friendly vibe to him. His voice is lower then the rest from what i heared a few secconds ago.

"Meet my good friend dash" dean says and puts his aem on my shoulder like he is showing me off. "Nice to meet you" the bigger guy says with a huge smile reminding me of a big teddybear "i am cylde btw" he says to me.

The girl looks uninterested in me and more intrested in the weed. "Im mai" she says shortly she has a angry undertone but i dont mind.

"I am apollo" a guy says with dark brown hair with the same texture as mine. He has friendly eyes that reminds me of a dog. He looks like the golden retriever of the dog and a little bit younger then the rest of them.

A long silence is between apollo and the last guy introducing himself. "Arent you going to introduce yourself" says cylde to the guy. He just simply shrugs at him but continues to stare at me.

Be got blond bleached hair and looks asian. His hair just reaches his ears and is half up and half down exposing the piercings on his ears. He doesnt have any tattoos on him that are visible. "Dont mind xavier" cylde says to me woth a big apologetic smile.

"Its fine" i say quitly and sit down between to dean and the girl. The blond guy named xavier is still looking my way not taking his eyes off of me one seccond.

Mai passes the blunt to cylde who takes it from her. They look close but not like theyre dating even tho she is laying her head on his lap. Mai hasnt looked my way yet and i felt kind of uncomfortable but i tried to shield it as much as i can..

I grab a bottle of straight vodka from the ground and pour a bit in a cup. Everyone is drinking some substance in a red cup. No way in hell that i am doing this sober. I drink the alcohol fast and i felt the burning sensation in my troat. I am used to it though. 

"Easy there" dean says to me a bit worried. "Im fine" i say shrugging it off. He looks uncertain but doesnt say anything else about it.

Cylde passes the blunt to xavier who refuses it and passes it to apollo. Xaviers eyes remain on me making me want the alcohol to hit faster so i am not to uncomfortable. I am normally not the one thats good in social situations but i hate having all the eyes on me.

There is a group of girls not far away from us looking at us the whole time and giggles. A girl with long red hair walks our way and mai sits up quickly.

"Hey" she says and twirls her hair an dlooks around us. "What do you want?" Mai says but she doesnt sound pissed off. "Just some fun" she says with a smirk to mai. Mai laughs at her and the rest of the group is still talking about whatever.

The night passes by quickly and its already getting dark. I look mai and the girls way and see them laughing and hitting it off pretty good. The girl suddenly kisses mai and i get a little shocked.

The rest of the night there just kissing and flirting and looking like a actual couple even though its probably just for a day. The rest of the group is talking about a new tattoo that cylde whats on his chest. "You should do a dragon" apollo says and everyone agrees with him. "Could be cool" dean says agreeing with apollo.

Everyone is pretty intoxicated and i could say the same for me. I took a few more drinks but enough to still have some sense. Xaviers eyes are still on me like they were the whole time.

I dont know if its the alcohol talking or if its something else but at this moment i just want to punch him and tell him to look away. I am not even a violent person ans no way that i would be able to win agaisnt a guy like him.

He looks way stronger then me. He does have the same clothing style then me so i guess he does have 1 thing in commen. He looks annoyed though but nobody seems to mind that he is.

The rest of the night passes by pretty quickly and i was already tired but i didnt wanna leave just yet. "Imma go on a walk" i say to dean and i leave the group. I walk around the park its still pretty bussy on the warm day and its not to dark yet.

I walk around the concrete path and look around. Everyone looks so happy and everyone looks so different from one a other.

I saw a few couples and a a lot of groups. Most kids have already left the place because its around 10pm now. "Hey" a voice says behind me startling me a bit. "Hey" i say when i saw it was xavier. "Why did you leave?" He asks me and i look confused at him.

"I wanted to walk" i say plainly still kind of mad at him for staring. "Do you mind if i join you?" He asks me and i shrug my shoulders and keep on walking.

Hehe thats it for this chappp i hope you all like it <3