alone again / Finished BxB /

headstone

Back to the current timeline, 19 april 2020. In Dash his pov.
-----------------------------------------------------------

I woke up all alone in my bed without Xavier next to me. I am kind of disapointed he didnt spend the night again but thats fine. I like it whenever he is close to me.

I check my phone and see its just 11pm. I didnt see what date it was yet. 19th of april. I take a deep breath trying not to cry just by the thought of  it.

I should probably buy some flowers for his grave, thats the least thing i can do. No matter the years passing i still feel the heartache just as painfull as the one before.

Maybe later i will look back to it with a smile.I think when i die i wil be okay with it. I will look back at my life with a smile and tears. I want to look back at my friends and look back at u Elijah amd Xavier.

I could hear my phone ringing over and see its dean calling. What does he want from me right now?

Dean : hey how are you doing.
He sounds carefull like he picked out every word perfectly
Me : im exciting, why?
Dean : i was wondering if you would want to go to uhhh.
There is a long silence like he wanted to either hang up or say it different.
Dean : i was wondering if you wanna go buy some flowers for elijah.
Me : sure.

I hang up the phone quickly not allowing him to say more.  Hearing him say elijahs name out loud hurts more then i wouldve thought. Past years i didnt speak to dean about it even for once. I used to go to to his grave alone when i knew nobody was there. I always cried there and talked to Elijah in my head.

I splash some water in my face to keep me from crying. I look down at the sink and bite my lip trying my best. I couldnt do anything but cry. I guess i failed at the not crying but i fine. Maybe its a good thing to let it all out.

I splash water in my face to wash away the salty tears. I hope my eyes wont look to puffy and red when i see dean.

I ealk back to my bedroom and see a other message from dean. "Be there at 12pm we will get lunch after" he writes. I guess it wouldnt be that bad.

I take some black sweat pants and a black hoodie. I know i should be dressed good but i know all i will do is cry and mess up the whole outfit anyways. I dont think elijah wouldve mind.

I try and style my hair a bit and try my best not to break down again. I again hear a text but this time it isnt from dean but from Xavier.

Xavier : do you wanna do something today?
Me : i cant today its kind of a important day for me.
Xavier :okay, have fun! Or goodluck!

I know he doesnt mean it that way because he doesnt know anything about today. Maybe one day when i am comfortable i will tell him. But for now i want to keep it to myself.

I go to the buss stop and wait there. I havent taken the buss since the whole situation happend with the guy. I am just going to hope it wont happen again. I am to tired to go and ask dean to pick me up.

I sit down up front agaisnt a older lady and almost fall asleep but try and keep myself awake. I get off the stop by the cemetery and see the older lady stopping there too. She gives me a tiny sad smile and i try to return it.

I go to the flower store up front and pick out some white with dark blue flowers.  I dont know the names of them but they look pretty.

I see dean waiting for me not far away with his own flowers. I walk up to him and he gives me a tiny hug. I try not to cry infront of him. "Youre doing great" he says to me trying to comfort me.

We walk to your grave. After so many times its still weird to see your name on a gravestone. There some old dead flowers from a few months ago but thats it. Nobody came to visit you yet. I take off the old flowers and throw them away.

Dean puts flowers down first and i quickly follow. "Nobody came yet" i say half disapointed "were probably early" he says and puts his hand on my back. "Dont worry to much about it" he says trying to comfort me.

I could feel tears form in my eyes. "Maybe they forgot him already" i say and i could feel the warm tears going down my face. "Dont cry, its okay" dean says over again stroking my back over and over again. I my best to stop crying but its a hopeless attempt.

I could hear 2 familiar voices walking behind me but i am to busy crying that i dont notice after a while. "Hey" i hear someone say and i turn around in shock.

Its hayden and noah. Maybe normally i wouldn't have done it but i gave them a hug and didnt say a word to them. I could hear dean laugh at my reaction a tiny bit.

"Weve missed you so much" noah says and hayden nots in agreement when i finally let go of them. I am still crying but they dont seem to mind that. "You guys knew i was here?" I ask them and they look at dean who nots at them.

"We were wondering how you were doing and we know you dont want us in your life but we couldnt help it" noah says halfway in tears. "Ive missed you guys too" i say in tears again. Noah and hayden put their flowers down at your grave.

It looks more filled now and more alive. Maybe you brought us all here. "I'm sorry" i say "for what?" hayden asks me confused. I could see his eyes are watery too. "I shouldnt have left you guys" i say in tears. "You needed it" hayden says and he bites his tongue probably trying not to cry. 

I gave them a hug again and bring in dean too. Its like were all back to one group but with one of 6 feet under. Its a mixed feeling. It feel fill yet empty at the same time.

Noah dries my tears with his sweather and smiles at me with tears on his face too. Haydens hair is still the same ruby color and noah hasnt even changed a bit.

Hayden didnt change much too. His triangle nose is still the same and the tiny bit of freckels and the same brown eyes. His Korean features makes him stand out from most people. He is beautiful almost model like.

"We should eat"dean says when we hear his stomach rumble. "I am absolutely starving" noah groans and puts his hand on his stomach. We walk to the little restaurant not far.

"You better didnt get any better friends then us" noah laughs at me and dean. "Ive just started getting new friends since a few months ago" i say quietly "you were all alone this whole time. No offence dean but youre always bussy" hayden says shocked and noah looks sad or worried, i cant quiet tell.

"I was fine alone. I didnt feel like i deserved anyone" i say under my breath but they could hear. "Fine alone" dean says sarcastically and looks at me catching me in a lie. "Ive made new friends though" i say acting more tuff. "He stole some of my friends " dean says laughing trying to bring up the atmosphere.

"Anyone intresting?" Noah says with a smirk. I try and laugh it off but they probably wont let it go. "I guess you could say that" i say shyly and i could see deans face just as shocked as the. "Mai???" He asks confused. "No" i quickly say. "Who?" He asks confused while our drinks are being served.

"Uhh... xavier" i say quikly so they might not catch it. "A guy" they all say synchronized. "I guess this us my coming out too, i am pretty sure i am bi" i say and i could feel my face turning red. "Omg finally u admitted it" noah says "What!?" I ask him laughing "my gay rader is on point. You forgot im pan" he says cheeky and we all laugh.

We talked about everything that happend in the past 3 years and i left out the depressive parts. Hayden and noah didnt have any other new friends except for 2 who they know trough school. Weve talked for hours until the restaurant had to close.  We agreed on keeping conact with each other in the future.

Maybe everything is getting better?

Thats it for this chappp i hope u all like the reunion <33