alone again / Finished BxB /

books

I rush into the library looking back a few times to make sure he isnt following me. The bus already left and there is no possible way he couldve ... but i need to check. 

My mind is all foggy but also screaming at me the same time. It feels like i am watching myself from a third person. I can still feel my heartbeat beating faster then ever. My mouth dry and my hands shaking.

I go to the back of the library and sit down. I need to get all these assignments out if the way. I dont feel like doing it tho.

I put the books infront of me. My hand is still shaking from the stress when i pick my pen up. Fuck, i cant let people here know that i feel like this right now. I dont want their fucking petty about how gruel the world is.

I take a deep breath and try to read the pages infront of me. I reread it and reread it again but my mind cant seem to straighten out. I cant seem to read the words. They just wont stick into my head. I feel like i cant fucking breath. This was a bad idea.

Fuck making shit out of your life when all life gives u is shit. I dont even want to live past graduation and still i tried to get my shit back together.  I dont know what i was thinking to be honest.

I cant just get up after like 5 minutes of sitting here people will think im strange af. I need to fucking try to read. I need to try my best right? Thats all i can fucking do at this moment. Even that isnt working. Nothing is working.

Isnt it fucked up how these things have such a huge impact on your life. I bet the guy isnt even thinking twice about this. And here i am stressing my ass of about it. Isnt it stupid how i am so stressed about it tough. He never went further then touching me. He didnt try to follow me behind. But still. He did make me feel this way. Uncomfortable and stressed. Maybe im overreacting?

I hear my phone go off and some people giving me angry looks, but at this moment i dont care about them. Its dean texting me "where tf are u? Are u on drugs or sum?" He asks me. He doesnt know how im feeling rn but its fine i havent even explained it to him. "In the library, can u pick me up?" I ask. He probably will say no. His probably bussy with some shit like always. "I'll ask xiever i cant rn sorry dude" he just reponds "fine" i reply.  I dont care who picks me up i just wanna go.

A few min later i get a text from xiever saying he arrived at the library.  I walk outside and see a red shit box of a car with xiever in it. I like the shit box tho. Much more then the bus. Normally i wouldve gotton in the front and tried to talk to him but right now? I just sit in the back and dont say a word other then hey.

Xiever looks at me trough his rear view mirror. I look away from him and just stare at my shoes. I think he knows im upset but i guess both of us dont want to talk about it. I dont want to talk about it. Not with him. He cant know so he wont judge me.

He starts the car and in less then 10 minutes were at my apartment.  Both of us still didnt say a word to each other but its fine. I step out of the car as fast as i can to not need to talk to anyone. I can see xiever looking at me and wanting to say something but stopping himself. 

"Bye" i simply say to him but my voice just cracks. I Knew i shouldnt have said shit. Xiever looks at me concerned and takes out the keys and goes up to me. "Lets go" he says and takes my hand. He doesnt say anything while we walk to my apartment thankfully.

We walk into the apartment and he closes the door behind him. "U look upset" he says pointing out the obvious "i am" i say trying not to sound to upset. "U wanna talk about it?" He asks me and looks at me.i feel like i am standing out of place in my own apartment. "No" i say shortly.

He looks into my eyes again and comes closer. Wtf? My mind is still foggy and i have no clue what is happening but at this moment i dont care what happends. He comes closer to me so that his standing right infront of me.

"Can i hug you?" He asks me and i dont even respond i just hug him. He was a little bit shocked but 2 secconds later he hugs me back. It feels weirdly comforting to hug him. Even if i dont want to talk about it he still makes me feel save and heared in some way.

I can smell his special scent on me again. And hear a faint beating of his heart in my ear. His breath slowley coming and going like the tides of the ocean. Everything about him is comforting.

I pull back after like 2 minutes and give him the best smile i could give him at that moment.  It probably looked awkward and just uncomfortable to him but atleast i tried something. He pulls his hands to both of my cheeks and holds my face with them.

I put my hand on his arm and tried to push hid hands away softly but he isnt budging. "U look like a chipmunk like this" he says to me laughing. His probably just trying to cheer me up again. I roll my eyes again and oush away his hands coming free of the grip.

"Dont be so rude agaisnt the sad people" i say to him sarcasticaly and roll my eyes again and i can see a little smile forming on his face.

Its just 2:30 pm and the day is still fresh.  "Ive got a question" xiever says and looks at me again "and that is?" I ask him. "Why were u at the library i thought u didnt care about school anyways" he says to me.

Why did i? Maybe i for some dumb reason i wanted to get my life together.  Maybe for a certain someone...

"I dont know" i say and shrug my shoulders "oh okay" xiever says. We both walk to my coutch and put on some show we were watching last time too. 

Were both making comments about the show were watching and and about some weird stuff they were saying. Some random 'hot' looking guy thats the total opposite of me appeared on the screen. "He is so hot" xiever says to me and looks at me. "I guess, his just all mussle and looks like he could kill u with just a stare" i say half pissed off.

I dont even know why i am pissed of for him saying the guy is hot. "Whats your type for guys anyways" xiever asks me while still looking at me instead of the 'hot' guy on screen. "I dont knoe really. I guess i like the personalty before their looks" i say.

"What about u" i ask xiever and look his way "probably not like the guy on screen though. Way to scary to ever date someone like that" he says and we both laugh "i like more shorter guys then me who dont look like they can kill me you know. And someone that can make me smile and that i like to be with" he says to me and smiles at me.

"I get what u mean. I think mines the same but just not the shorter then me i am just 5'7 imagine some guy smaller then that" i say and we both laugh and look back to the tv screen.

Xiever is here even when it was dinner time. Like always i didnt have anything to serve so we had the off brsnd nutella and the peanut butter like the last time he ate here. He doesnt really seem to mind even if his family is more middle class and definitely raised him with the best food they could find.

Its already getting around 9pm and the sun is going down. "I should probably go home" he says to me "I'll walk u down" he says to me and we both go out of my apartment. Xiever goes i to his shitbox and turns the key. No sound?

"It isnt starting" xiever says to me and laughs a little awkward. And steps out of the car...

That's it for this chapter i hope you like it <3333