Monsters

Scars and Desires

"You sure about this?" Asher asked, nervousness in his voice, his frame, and the energy pulsing from him.

"Positive," Bram agreed, trying to inject confidence and certainty into his voice and actions. Honestly, he was terrified, because he knew that his entire future with Asher depended on what happened next.

"Kind of cliché, isn't it?" Asher laughed, voice strained, "the whole 'losing your innocence on Prom night' thing?"

"We lost our innocence long ago," Bram murmured, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Asher's ear. "You and I have both been through hell."

"We have," Asher agreed after a long pause. He searched Bram's eyes, "And you know I'd go through hell all over again if it helped you, but Bram, I can't be the one that causes you to hurt—"

"Then let me hold you, Ash, 'cause right now, not having you in my arms is killing me."

"Bram..." Asher whispered, opening his arms to accept his man.

Bram wrapped him in a fierce hug, breathing in his scent, heart pounding at both Asher's nearness and the lingering fear that he wouldn't be able to—No. He would. He WOULD.

"We don't have to do anything," Asher whispered against his shoulder. "We don't have something to prove. We can just be."

"I want to have sex with you someday," Bram managed to rasp, pulling back to look Asher in the eye, to let him see how serious, how needy he actually was.

Asher sucked in a breath, "I'm not sure I'll ever want to be penetrated again."

"You were raped, Ash," Bram said gently, cupping his cheek. "You were attacked and violated long before your body was ever ready to take anybody. That's not what I want to do with you."

"It's... difficult to separate the two."

"I know."

"I know you do--to a certain extent. You were at least able to feel some... pleasure from it."

"And I hated myself for it," Bram agreed, running his hand down Asher's neck, shoulder, arm. He linked their fingers, "But I know Dad and Mom enjoy each other."

"Everybody in the house knows that," Asher says ruefully.

"Aunt Lucinda attacks Uncle Rome every chance she gets," Bram continued.

"She does," Asher agrees, his face gradually losing the smile and instead beginning to look emotionless, guarded. "But what does that have to do with..."

"I want that for us too," Bram finally admitted. "I want to be physical with you. I know I screwed it up last time, and I'm so sorry for that, but if you give me another chance—"

"Bram, I-I don't know if I can be pen—"

"Alright, then I'll be the bottom."

Asher's words stalled, and he stared at Bram incredulously, "What?"

"I'll be the receiver."

Asher searched his face, "You do remember that I don't actually have a dick, right?"

"You probably do have a woefully small one," Bram agreed with exaggerated glumness, "if you're anything like the biological female in Danny's textbook, but that's okay. Size isn't everything."

"Says the male with an elephant trunk in his pants," Asher smirked.

Bram shrugged, "Can't help with The Great One gave me... but I won't ever force it on you. I want us to be intimate, but I won't ever do that to you, Ash. If it becomes too much, we'll stop. I don't care what it is or how far we've gone or not gone. If you say stop, everything stops. Immediately."