The secret pact

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jane's pov

It felt like time was flying by since the day I slept with Maura. Lately we saw each other more often, but we haven't talked about anything important. Maura was acting like nothing had happened between us, and so did I. Pretending was the new thing for us. I got pretty good at it. I didn't want to be like that with Maura, but I didn't have much time to think things through because I was very busy. But sooner or later I had to talk with Maura - I knew that very well. I was just avoiding it because I was a coward. And Maura wasn't bringing up the subject herself as I expected. I really wanted her to say something about it, but she just hasn't mentioned the pact at all. Like it never happened.

And it got me thinking that maybe Maura just got what she wanted from me and she felt like we didn't need to talk about anything else. She asked me to have sex with her and I did it. Period. It was done. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe that's why she was pretending that nothing had happened between us. Maybe for her it wasn't that important. No big deal. It didn't make any difference; it didn't have any impact on her like it had on me.

After all, Maura said she wanted just sex – no strings attached. She said what she wanted from me, straightforwardly, so I didn't even know what I expected, and why I was waiting something to change between us. Maybe I was a fool for thinking that we need to discuss what happened between us, to clear things out. Maura already said it loud and clear – she simply wanted to lose her virginity. And since she wasn't feeling any need to further discuss the topic - obviously, since she hadn't said a thing about it for so long - I was pretty sure that it was all done. That must be the reason why she hadn't brought up the subject at all.

I just wondered whether we would keep our friendship in tact. I couldn't say we were very close, at least not as close as we used to be, so I was afraid that I would lose the most precious thing in the whole world - Maura's friendship. But then I thought that maybe it was meant to happen that way. When I go to college Maura and I would part our ways anyway. She was going to study in Boston Cambridge University. And I wasn't. No matter how much I wanted that. It was inevitable - there was no escaping it. It wasn't something that we could get over in time. Distance would kill our friendship, I knew that for sure. Maybe it wouldn't end it completely, but it wouldn't be the same way as it used to be, no matter how hard we try to keep our friendship in tact. So lately I was wondering do I really need to bring up the subject since Maura obviously didn't want to talk about it. Maybe she didn't even care. She was fine with it. I had no idea what was going on inside her head. The thought that Maura didn't even care about our secret pact was making me very sad, but the truth is harsh as they say. I told myself it was for the best to leave things as they are and then I just tried to make peace with it. I had no other choice. Pretending was the best and only option I could go for. Acting nonchalantly around Maura until we part our ways. It would be just for a few months so I could last that long pretending I was careless about the pact. A couple of months and then it would all end... Even though I didn't want it to end. Not at all.