Seventeen-year-old Hazel never saw having a sick mom in her future. And the last thing she expected was for her new next-door neighbor to give her a checklist that would change everything.
*****
After Hazel Winter's mom got sick, all emotion vanishe...
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THE GENTLE BEEPING of the hospital monitors forces me to wake up. I'm exhausted, my eyes heavy as I blink them open. Tonight seems like it was some sort of nightmare, but unfortunately, it was real. My mom is in a hospital bed with all the familiar cords attached to her, and it's not until I go to get up that I realize my head is on River's shoulder.
Pulling away slightly, I see the light from the muted television casting a faint glow onto his face. His lips are parted, his head resting against the wall. My back is killing me from sleeping on him sitting up for so long, so I can only imagine how uncomfortable he is.
As much as River has made me feel things I never have, I also know I can't risk having another night like tonight happen again. Maybe I was so lonely that I had no choice but to feel this way toward him. No guy besides him has made a move on me other than Loafers, but I don't consider him a viable option. I don't know if these feelings are true, and I'm not willing to risk getting caught up in the moment again if this is all just because I'm getting a lick of attention from someone.
Also, if these feelings are true, that makes me even more terrified. I can't lose the one best friend I've ever made. Especially at a time like this in my life. I need him now more than ever, no matter how much I may want to deny that.
"River," I whisper, glancing toward my mom to make sure she doesn't wake up. Thankfully, she stays asleep, but River lets out a tiny groan and shifts in the plastic chair, squinting his eyes into the dark to look down at me.
"Hey," he mumbles, and I ignore how hot his voice sounds. It's grainy and deep, cracking a little from having just woken up. "What's wrong? Is she okay?"
"I think so. She's sleeping."
"Are you okay?"
I love that he always asks me that, but since I don't know, I shrug and rest my head on his shoulder. "Just a lot on my mind," I admit.
"Like what?" He asks, resting his head on mine. "Spill."
"It's the middle of the night, River. I don't want to keep you up."
"I'm already up. You woke me up."
I remain quiet, fumbling with my fingers on my lap until he rests his hand on both of mine, squeezing gently. "Spill," he repeats.
Letting out a sigh, I let him continue holding my hand and say, "I just think we should be friends right now. It's not that I didn't like what happened earlier, but you have to understand that my mom will always come first, and I can't risk something like that again. I've only known you for a month, River, and you've made me so happy. You've become my best friend, and not an ounce of me wants to lose you. Doing what we did just complicated things, and I can't have complicated right now, okay? I just can't. I'm so sorry, and I don't want you to be hurt or mad at me, so I guess that's why-"
"Hazel." He squeezes my hand again, and just from the tone of his voice, I know that we're going to be okay. It feels like a ton of bricks is lifted off my chest. "You don't have to apologize to me for anything. After tonight I get it, and I'll understand if being friends is what you need. After all, kissing me was just for practice, right?"
He knows it was more than that to me, but I'm grateful he's sparing me the embarrassment.
"Right." I nod, and I don't know why, but I'm unsettled that he's so okay with this. I thought maybe he'd be a little disappointed at least, but he seems...fine. "You should get home. I'm sure your parents are wondering where you're at. Have you even called them?"
After a beat, he replies, "I texted. It's fine. I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay, and I can tell you're not."
"And how do you know that?" I challenge. "Because you know me so well?"
"You think I don't?"
"You've only known me for a month, so..."
"I know you," he replies, and his response seems definite. "We're more similar than you think, Hazel."
"Similar how?"
River and I seem nothing alike. He's outgoing, charming, and funny, and I'm rude, awkward, and a brooding bitch. He lives in a perfect house with the perfect parents, and my life is fucked up. We are nowhere near the same person, yet we get along like two peas in a pod. I can't explain it, but I wouldn't say it's because we're similar. We're far from it.
I don't get to find out the answer, though, because we're interrupted by my mom waking up. In seconds, I'm by her side to adjust her pillow, and River watches me as I give her some water and fetch the nurse for more pain medicine. I go through the routine, but this time something is different. This time I have River beside me, and it feels good. It feels more than good.
"You know, for someone who claims that they're emotionless, you sure are good at that," he says when I sit beside him again in the uncomfortable plastic chairs.
"Good at what?"
"Taking care of her." He nods toward my mother in the hospital bed, and my cheeks grow hot. "I think you put a front up as if you're this brooding bitch, but I'm realizing there's a lot underneath that front."
My lips threaten to turn up into a smile. "Interesting theory."
"I don't think it's a theory," he says, putting a strand of hair behind my ear. Almost like he knows he screwed up, he takes his hand back. "Sorry," he mutters, "I just think you're incredible, Hazel, and I wish you could see it too."
The expression in his eyes is breathtaking. I'm lost in his gaze, wrapped in my feelings for him. The feelings I'm pretending don't exist even though they do, and right now, when his hand comes back to brush my cheek, they definitely do.
Leaning to press my lips against his, he cups my cheek and brings me closer to deepen it. Clearly, it's not only me that wants this. Some part of him wants this too, but we shouldn't. We can't. We especially shouldn't be kissing when my mom is in the same room in a hospital bed, for crying out loud.
But how could I not have kissed him after he said that? After he's been so caring and compassionate this entire day? The entire month that I've known him?
"That was the last time," I say when we break away, resting my head on his shoulder again with a smile.
"Okay," he replies, but I can hear him smile too. "Was that still for practice, or...?"
After about ten seconds, he laughs when he realizes I'm refusing to reply, placing his head on top of mine before we both fall back asleep.
A/N:
Something tells me that it's going to be VERY difficult to be "just friends" Hazel...
