Seventeen-year-old Hazel never saw having a sick mom in her future. And the last thing she expected was for her new next-door neighbor to give her a checklist that would change everything.
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After Hazel Winter's mom got sick, all emotion vanishe...
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I've always hated the sympathetic stares from people when they find out about my situation, but it's only gotten worse since my mother's passing. River's mom looks like she wants to go into the kitchen and bake a thousand cookies to make me feel better, tears forming in her eyes as she scans me over from head to toe. I know I don't look my best. It seems like I haven't slept in days, and I'm guessing there are bags underneath my eyes to reflect that.
"He's upstairs," she whispers, gently squeezing my forearm. "It's nice to see you again, Hazel. How are you holding up?"
God, I hate that question. She's a nice woman, but seriously? How does she think I'm holding up? How would anyone be holding up after losing their mother? Obviously not great, but I say fine with a weak smile and head upstairs to River's room. I find him on his bed staring at the ceiling, hands folded on his stomach, twiddling his thumbs. Joy wasn't kidding when she said he was moping around.
His eyes meet mine, and a small smile falls upon his lips. I love that he doesn't immediately ask how I'm doing. He doesn't look at me like I'm some lost puppy. Instead, he extends his hands out, and I crawl onto his bed with him, sniffling when his arms come tightly around my body. His warmth and the sound of his heartbeat are more comforting than I thought it'd be, and for the first time in a week, I feel relaxed.
"I'm so sorry," I sob into his chest. "I never should have pushed you away."
He kisses the top of my head, then rubs his fingertips gently up and down my back, my breathing becoming slower. "You just did what you thought you needed to heal," he reassures.
"But we lost time because of it, and now I'm leaving soon, and I-" My voice falters, letting out another chortled sob just at the mere thought of not being in the same state as him. How am I supposed to get through life without him? What am I going to do when I can't sleep? No longer can I call him to sneak over. No longer will I be able to lay with him in his arms like this if I'm having a hard time. I'll be thousands of miles away.
"Hazel, look at me," he says. I'm still burying my head into his chest until he tilts my chin with his thumb and pointer finger, brushing just underneath my bottom lip. "This distance isn't going to change anything. I'm still going to be right here for you. Love doesn't just disappear. It'll make it a little more difficult, but we've dealt with difficulties our entire lives. I'm not concerned about us, and maybe-" He pauses, chewing on his bottom lip before he shakes his head. "Never mind."
"What?" I ask. "Say what you were going to say."
He shakes his head again. "Another time. A conversation for later."
I sit on my knees now, arms crossed in front of my chest. "That's not fair. Whatever you're going to say, say it. I promise I won't get mad."
Sighing, he contemplates it for a few seconds before finally giving in and says, "I know it's too soon for you to think about it, but maybe you could reconsider college, Hazel. It's not too late to apply, and maybe we could go to the same university. Eliminate the distance."
