Seventeen-year-old Hazel never saw having a sick mom in her future. And the last thing she expected was for her new next-door neighbor to give her a checklist that would change everything.
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After Hazel Winter's mom got sick, all emotion vanishe...
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My body is failing me. At least, that's how it seems. The entire winter break, I stayed in bed, unable to move a damn muscle aside from taking my mom to her dialysis. My heart ached so strongly that it wouldn't let me breathe a normal rhythm, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to fix it. And what's worse is that I didn't cry. River cried in the car when I ended things with him, and I couldn't even produce a single tear. What the hell is wrong with me?
It's not normal. I'm not normal. It's such an odd sensation for my body to want to cry but be unable to. I can only imagine that's what this ache is for. My body is pleading with my heart and brain to let out these tears, but I'm so broken that all I can do is just lay here.
My mom didn't even need to ground me. What would she have done? Told me not to leave the house? I don't go anywhere or do anything unless it has something to do with River, and now that we haven't spoken in over a week, she felt like I already had the worst punishment I could get.
Today I can't sit in bed any longer, though. I have school, and despite my body telling me to remain snuggled underneath my fuzzy comforter, I force myself to get up and tug on a pair of black jeans and a black pullover sweatshirt, my Converse to match. I'm back to the brooding bitch. No more colors.
My reflection is even worse than I imagined. My curly hair is frizzy from the lack of product I should have used, and the bags under my eyes are evident. I've had a miserable week off. Has River had a hard time too? What if he got over me during break and found someone else? I stayed away from my bedroom window just for that reason. I couldn't bear to see him with a new girl or even do something that made him seem happier without me. I know that this is all my fault, and I should be happy if he's happy since I'm the one that broke his heart, but just the thought of him falling for someone else makes my blood boil.
It's not like I wanted to end things with him, but I have to look out for River's best interest at some point. I ended things at the possibility of something going wrong with my mom, and he doesn't deserve that. Not after I found out about his past. Maybe, when things calm down with my mom, we can try again, but until then, this is just how it has to be.
I leave my hair frizzy and don't bother with makeup. Grabbing my backpack off the floor, I head down into the kitchen to get my mom's morning pills ready for her to take. Her eyes watch me like a hawk as I open the pill organizer and dump Monday's medicine into my hand.
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?" She asks softly.
I grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it up with water. "I'm not ready to talk about it," I say, walking over to her to give her the medicine and water. "It's not a big deal. People break up all the time, Mom. I'll get over it."
I'm lying. I'm the biggest liar there ever was. What am I supposed to do, though? Tell her the truth? My mom is already sick, and telling her that River and I broke up because I thought something was wrong with her would make things worse. She'd feel guilty, and I don't want her to worry about anything other than getting better. My problems don't matter. They are nothing compared to hers.
