Seventeen-year-old Hazel never saw having a sick mom in her future. And the last thing she expected was for her new next-door neighbor to give her a checklist that would change everything.
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After Hazel Winter's mom got sick, all emotion vanishe...
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This novel is dedicated to my mom on our last good day at Raven Rock (pictured above), and to my husband, who took my hand and led me out of the darkness.
I have to leave in two days, and the thought has been gnawing at me like a dog with a fresh bone. Not an ounce of me wants to leave River or Joy, but maybe I'll get the scholarship. I submitted the essay yesterday, so I guess until then, I'll finish up my senior year in an entirely different state and use video chats to pass the time.
But before I leave, there's one more person I have to see. The one person I've been dreading since I learned about my mom's passing. River gave me Margie's address, and I'm standing outside a cute little blue house with fake plants and a porch swing. My legs shake when I knock on the door, and I hold my breath, counting the seconds until Margie opens it up.
Her eyes are red like she's just been caught crying, and the tears start rolling down my cheeks when she lets out a strangled sigh of relief and pulls me tightly to her chest. I inhale the familiar scent of her, sobbing into her neck, and realize that all the words I had thought of saying don't need to be said at all. Margie understands me almost as well as River. I don't need to explain myself.
"You're okay, baby girl," she says. "She's in a better place now. She's safe."
I'm coughing from crying so much, breaking down yet again, but she continues to hold me for the next five minutes, rocking me back and forth until I finally seem to get ahold of myself. We've somehow made it to her porch swing now, and when it's silent, she takes the opportunity to speak.
"I know you've probably been waiting for this moment your whole life, and you've tried to prepare yourself, but just know that crying doesn't make you weak. It means you loved her deeply, and that's a special thing, Hazel. Breaking down and expressing how you feel is okay."
I nod, still unable to speak, as she wraps an arm around my shoulder.
"And none of this is your fault. I know you, Hazel, and I can see your little brain working behind those eyes. You did your best, loved her the deepest way you knew how, and she knows that, honey."
Margie is saying everything I've needed to hear since she passed, and I start crying harder, knowing that I'll have to be leaving her, too. Life isn't fair. None of this is fair.
"If I had just been there... If I hadn't gone out with River for his birthday, then I-"
"Sh. It would have happened at some point, and you and I both know that. This is not your fault. I'll say that until I'm blue in the face."
"A-and now I have to leave, and it's not that I don't love my aunt because I do, but she's walking on eggshells around me. She's hardly said two words to me. I've finally made a best friend here and found the one guy who-" My voice breaks just at the mere mention of River. "I can't leave them. I don't want to go."
