If i knew what i had the license to,

virginity and convo with death

i might be a virgin , in fact i don't mind if i die a virgin 

'cause 

i'm don't think i'm a virgin when it comes to  sex with life via exploration through experiences and interactions (not just restricted to an age group or a particular geography or a particular type of person) and learning with the tools and mediums that's already there in front of eyes.

life can be about sex and can be about romance but is beyond it certainly! Falling in love with things I don't like, things I like, things that sharpen my perspective , things that expand my mindset. People, choices, instances. 

Transformation through pain and no gain, through eternal concepts to...

Life is more than what i'm currently aware of, i allow life to be a half solved mystery cause only then life starts happening

where i never thought i'd see

in the small things i've never thought twice about

even the most boring things start to transform

but how could that start, if i would think it could only be catalysed by a human other than me ?
it is me who need to seek and by seeking , it is opening our eyes to something they call

perspectives

concepts and virtues are there forever if not people. 

people might change words and not be there anymore but they can teach us, even the most despised one in my eyes, in your eyes.

and yet i'm still not faithful enough, i still have uncertainties taunting me eerily (or maybe its a status quo, comfort zone feeling to be a virgin?) 

if i have been given a gargantuan amount of power, i'd be afraid to use it 

more like overwhelmed

and so i play tango with bits of life, hoping to normalise it gradually

Death is that person whom I've crush on for soo long, albeit i know i'd never fall for him willingly, he is a mystery. I've heard theories about him but not a single person who has seen his face been back here! the adrenaline as i get closer to him . the adrenaline he gives is just through his whispering about his counter part , about life. 

"I'm here as a third wheel to remind you, to let you focus on life, my counter part. I'm not there so you become afraid of me and not own your life. I'm here to remind you, tomorrow may not come, so seize opportunities and don't be lazy or be addicted to insecurities, to habits of void-ness".

"I don't want you fall for me even when you have no options, even when you are pressed from all sides, even when you are in constant conflict and pain. I'm there just so you know you have the power to make choices from no choices"

"I'm here to remind you, of my younger version: rest.  you can rest and go into hermit mode when there's too much on your plate."

"i'm here to tell you rejoice in the now, and reconcile with past errors"

but do i listen? sometimes, being the paradoxical me, i choose virginity and comfort zone
*facepalm* 

in the end, i have contradicted myself  so gloriously!

i think i am but its not that i fully am one...maybe I'm going through a process without immediate changes