If i knew what i had the license to,

Reactions

When i used to have chemistry or physics tests coming up 

Rather than focusing on the task at hand, 

they rather tempt me to compare them with life, with instances of life

and i wonder what would the teacher's reaction be like if i poet-ified the answers on the test paper..

I didn't dare to put that into action back then and now when i know i have lost the chance to do so, i wonder

oh the woes and regrets of going according to what's expected so much that the similar pattern becomes cliched to the brain, so much so that i relished the experience of the lackness of not knowing the answer to the question.

To experience that which i have never experienced before, the so called brain freeze, and how did i become addicted to it. 

Just like another habit of 24, this was the habit : where i did the opposite of what i knew what i was supposed to be doing. 

Why is it so thrilling, so thrilling like tackling down the pyramid of colour pencils.  Maybe this was me reveling in doing a mini version of destruction (supposedly safe?)

Or maybe its easy to go  romanticising and sympathising with the pasts albeit during the present tense of that instant might have had me theor-ising it as something else. 

Now where do reactions come in the middle of all this jumble? 

Reactions can be reversible or irreversible. In irreversible reaction, there is a complete change in the stuff that we react with. Like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly. the transformation that I'm bewitched of. And this transformation in character is what i find awesome because its too awesome for me to think of doing it myself.

At the moment? Its irreversible. i go forwards through half of the process but then revert back.

i

tell

myself

to do so and so

but rebel against myself. and back to square one.

and even then i wont be dissatisfied for im way content continuing the loop of repeated events like sisyphus rolling the stone

and the fact that this fun isn't seen by many, but rather interpreted as pointless...

compare that with the big bang was an aftermath of a random chance...

compare that with the unpredictability and brevity of life

this is how i stay perpetually a child

enter a radicle particle, called love, which has made it possible that there is a new desire for the complete reaction!

through my observations rather objective, i have seen the feasibility of complete reaction in me  is negligible, and that means an almost pointless exercise was carried out for a complete reaction, for the name of amor, but it became reversible so much that the

the trust

the person

bid farewell

.

reactions. some are the synthesis types, while some are decomposition types.

we were calcium carbonate and after the thermal tumults between us i became water, the water that's making me high as i type, the water which doesn't stay put, the water that can occupy any container or space, the water-- see look at it, gushing forth, not much viscous and thus flowing viciously in events i haven't partaken before.

a dare of pfp, a temporary study group, more serious ventures into MS paint, overcoming the made up fears and initiating a conversation, an experimenting project to aliven the dead chats on servers, discussion of how to club summary points for an essay, a birthday wish, a fellowship of pokemon showdown and learning it, a synthesis of lyrics, exploring ideas through gods of poets and authors - (me brazenly approaching is unlike me!) , trolling, watching banter fight, noobing out a banter fight, fellowships with brokenhearted, a fellowship of sketching together, a competition of sketching which i lost , experimenting editing , feeling missing-ness, feeling too much in awe and anxiety, out with one apology (which i never thought of ever occuring), rp and many more containers the water flowed like a stream on its path to an ocean.

not to say there hasn't been any flash floods but

it was way too easy to be content and forget about being complete reaction

yet the decomposition also brought the need for the water to flow and see how the person's loved ones would be faring

the decomposition was a necessary shade needed or else i would have only had a tint of motivation to search for the complete reaction!