flushed cheeks

(xv.)

"flushed cheeks"

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°°°

(xv.)

When I woke up, I was on the bed. A blanket was thrown over me and my stuffed bunny, the one Lucas had won for me at the fair, was in my arms. I turned onto my back, throwing my arms and legs out like a starfish as it all came back to me. It was not anything bad, really. Only a change in my voice, but it came out of nowhere. I was just so happy, and the month had been...

There was a light knock on the door, then a head popped through the crack. Jillian gave me a small smile when she saw that I was awake. "Hey, baby," she said softly. She did not come fully into the room, and I was stuck between relief and guilt.

As soon as the nickname was processed in my brain, I swallowed and turned onto my side to curl around my bunny. "Please don't call me that right now." I watched her through the soft ears, and I started to shake when something like hurt flashed across her face. It was only there a moment, but it was enough to have the current guilt swelling even more.

Soon, that look I love so much took over. "Okay," she said. "Can I come in?"

I nodded softly, sitting up with the bunny in my lap. I hugged it tightly and scooted back to rest against the headboard, watching as she came into the room. The door was cracked open, and I could hear a murmur of sound coming from somewhere else in the apartment. It would not be the worst if Lucas could hear what they were about to talk about. If anything, he should know what he would be getting into.

She sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed out the blanket. "We aren't going to judge you," she said softly, watching her fingers as she continued the motion. I was not sure how to feel about her not looking at me as she spoke, but I found it to be relieving. "Whatever it is that happened earlier—whatever it is that caused you to get upset, we aren't going to look at you any differently, okay?"

"You will," I mumbled. My voice was muffled from the fabric of the stuffed animal.

"Why do you say that?"

"You already have a baby. You do not need another one! I am already hard enough to deal with as it is without all of this thrown in the mix." My cheeks burned when I finished speaking. I never really talked about my thoughts and feelings—they were always so obvious to everyone around me. The insecurities behind them were just never expressed.

"You are. Not. Hard to deal with," she said. Her face looked almost angry, her voice rough with it, and I gripped the stuffed animal in my arms tighter. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. She reached for my hand when her eyes fluttered back open. She sighed softly and tangled her fingers with mine. "You aren't hard to deal with, Kody. Neither of us—not me, not Lucas—have ever thought so, nor will we ever."

There was a tap on the door as soon as she finished speaking, and my head snapped in that direction. Lucas was leaning inside the bedroom, that patient expression back on his face. The one that made me feel so safe and happy. "Can I come in?" he asked.

Jillian looked at me, gave a quiet sigh, and stood when I gave a small nod. She offered me a smile, leaning over the bed to give me a soft kiss. My heart gave a flutter as I watched her walk out of the room, leaving me and Lucas alone.

He walked into the room and seated himself on the bed, closer to me than I thought he would have. His jean clad thigh brushed my bare knee. I gave a little shiver, shifting the slightest bit, but I did not move away from him.

I watched him as we sat in silence. He seemed to be thinking, just staring into space, his fingers brushing my knee, then up over my thigh. It seemed he was doing it almost absentmindedly, but then he suddenly grabbed my hand.