Crush

16 | Goodbye, Stranger

The quiet click of the door closing stirred Kian from his sleep and he quickly scanned the surroundings. 

He wasn't in his room and the person he had passed out next to was missing. He thanked Chris mentally for escaping the awkwardness of waking up next to each other.

Kian scrubbed his hands over his face as the previous night's events replayed in his mind - the kiss at the back of Chris's car, the elevator and all the way to his bedroom, touching and ravishing each other.

It would've been best if that's all he woke up to but who was he kidding. It wasn't enough to get rid of Enzo's thought, the way he was so close to Kian one moment and lightyears apart the next. And it was all because of his own stupidity. 

Why couldn't he just let go of his desires for Enzo? It was something he was still working on. 

A perfect, lust-fogged and passionate night with Chris should have driven those overpowering thoughts off his system.

And for a night, it worked.

But now as he peeled off the comforter and rolled out of the unfamiliar bed, the disappointment settled deep in his bones. He wasn't supposed to regret it. Hell, that was the rule. No regrets. Even then, as he collected his clothes and tiptoed into the bathroom, that's exactly what he felt.

Owing to the fact that he was in someone else's house, he settled for a quick shower, dressed in last night's clothes and reminded himself that it was one night. One night of taking over the control and even though it didn't quite serve the purpose, he realized he could at least be thankful to Chris for showing up as his savior.

"Get your shit together," he whispered to himself.

Kian shook his head, brushed his towel dried hair back in place while walking out of the bedroom. The smell of freshly cooked pancakes and coffee suspended in the air around as he closed the door behind him.

Chris turned to the soft creak of the door and Kian felt uneasiness crawling up his throat. He didn't know how to react. A smile or a blank face? He ended up rubbing the back of his neck and giving Chris a sheepish smile. Kian had to commend Chris's strength. He looked positively fresh and full of energy. 

Not that he was boasting but Kian was equal parts gentle and ravenous in bed. And the previous night he wasn't being very careful. He might have gone a little too rough on his way.

But now as he strutted towards the kitchen counter where Chris had already set up a breakfast arrangement, he felt like a complete douche for what was going on in his mind.

"Good Morning," Kian mumbled, his eyes darting towards Chris, then to the granite countertop of the lavish open kitchen. The truth was he couldn't look at the clear blues of Chris's eyes.

He heard a deep sigh from Chris as he tossed a pancake, then turned to face Kian. "Care to join for breakfast? My pancakes are to die for."

Kian looked up to finally face him. Chris stood in front of him in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, looking as classy as always. But for some reason his blue irises appeared distant, cold and devoid of his usual charms. He was closed off, his emotions unapproachable and his lips having a smile that sure meant nothing. He was like an unreadable dialect in contrast to the passionate man who worshiped Kian's body in ways he had craved.

"About last night..." Kian's cheek flamed as he tried to put his shameful excuses in a decent conversation. "I really do like you Chris - you're a very handsome, desirable man." He bit the inside of his cheek to come up with the right words. "I'm lucky to have met you but... my mind is a total mess right now."

Chris turned off the flame and leaned his back against the counter across from him. He had a faint smile on his lips. Kian knew that look. 

"Relax Kian. I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend. I understand."

"You do?" Kian frowned.

"Yes, I do. I know that matters of the heart can't be settled with physical needs." He released a dry laugh.

"Yet you agreed to my needs last night." Kian gave him an anxious smile, hiding the wariness in his words.

"Because I wanted it too. So, don't go around moping over it." Chris said. "No regrets, remember?"

"Yeah, no regrets." Kian agreed, swiping his fingers through his damp hair and checking the time on his watch. He really needed to leave if he wanted to make it in time for the physics test. Thank god, it was in the second sitting.

They remained silent and it was both deafening and awkward. Their measured breaths created a chaotic mess in Kian's head. 

Kian didn't know how to say goodbye. He was always bad at saying goodbyes.

However, Chris knew exactly how to say it. "So, I guess we will see each other around. It was nice while it lasted."

Kian was taken aback by the intensity of his raging blue eyes when he met them. They were as frigid as a hailstorm both cold and jarring. Enough to cut the ties.

"It was nice while it lasted." Kian mumbled, his heart tugging a slight bit. "I think I should leave."

Kian didn't want to face the consequence of his actions. He was a coward. Maybe that's why he lost Enzo. Maybe that's why he ended up in Chris's bed. And before he pulled Chris along in his chaos, he needed to distance himself from the guy. Kian could be brave for once to protect his heart.

He turned away from Chris and walked towards the door. Once he stepped out, his grip tightened around the doorframe. He memorized the blue pools of Chris's eyes and his soft smile. He stopped for a second at the threshold to look back at Chris with a genuine smile.

"Goodbye, stranger."

That word always hurt him the most and it wasn't different this time either. But a goodbye was all he could offer.

***

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