With Hearts to Hear| ✔

|17|

Rachel could hardly think of a time she had been more uncomfortable.

There were many instances where she had gotten herself into bizarre and awkward situations; she had bled her skirt on her period in year 9 and had all the boys in her class laugh and spread rumours; she had once exposed her bra on the train when pulling her jumper off; she had once told a guy at a bar that she was gay only for him to find her snogging his best friend... but none of those experiences could compare to how awkward she felt sitting opposite Killian's mother, in the quiet ambient restaurant.

"Thanks for inviting us, like I told Ray it really means a lot to me that you two are trying to get along." Killian broke the uncomfortable quiet that clung to their table like a sticky heat.

Rachel wondered if he felt it like she did, or if he was blissfully immune to the fact that neither Rachel nor his mother had managed to decapitate one another with their butter knives just yet.

"I just want you to be happy, that's all I want as your mother." Adelia his hand that laid on the table between them in hers, squeezing his fingers gently. "And I know it's also what your father would have wanted for you too."

Killian sucked in a breath at the mention of his father; the man had in many ways been his idol and after his death he had felt like his entire world had shifted into grey, until he met Rachel. It filled him with a strange feeling whenever he thought of him, and he did often; hoping that each choice he made for the pack, for his mother was the right one and would have made his father proud. Even now, sat opposite his mother, hoping the evening would go well, he hoped that his father would have loved Rachel; that he would have seen the potential, the future that Killian could see clear as day.

Rachel squeezed his hand that lay on her knee; if there was one thing she understood more than anyone ever could, it was the love and yearning he had for his deceased father. She knew what it felt like to lose the one person who shone the brightest, and to worry that you would never meet anyone who could shine like that ever again.

Now that she had, it was utterly terrifying to be close to such warmth. She wondered if this was how Icarus had felt when he had flown too close to the sun- so entranced with sheer bliss and yet altogether wrought completely with fear.

She stared up at Killian, taking in the sharp angles of his face, the glowing bronze of his skin, the light 5 o'clock shadow of his jaw. She could get lost in him, there was nothing in the world that sounded better to her. There was a part of her that wondered if this was normal, that wondered if she was hurtling towards heartbreak like she had done in the past; like a comet burning up in the atmosphere.

She almost missed Adelia's words, so caught up in the strange mixture of her appreciation for Killian's pleasant side profile, and her own swampy thoughts.

"I suppose I should start off by saying I'm sorry Rachel, I really am. I know that I've been harsh, and we started off less than ideal... I thought I was protecting my son, and in a way, you too. I realise now that I may have hurt you both in the process- especially you Rachel... and I never meant to do that."

Rachel had never been good at apologies, neither giving nor receiving them. Her philosophy had always been that if a person had truly meant their apology, they wouldn't have hurt you in the first place. Joint with the fact that she always stood by her actions, even when they sent her crashing and burning, she truly believed that how a person acted in the moment reflected their true intentions.

She found it difficult to take Adelia's words to heart, and thought the woman seemed to be contrite, it didn't sway her opinion of her one bit. She had promised Killian that she would try to get on with his mother, but she hadn't promised him that she would accept her apology.