With Hearts to Hear| ✔

|20|

Rachel woke to an empty room. The pit in her stomach grew uncomfortable, though she wasn't sure if it was out of relief or disappointment. After the last few weeks, she had gotten used to the feeling of having Killian's arms wrapped safely around her like a blanket each morning, she managed to convince herself that was the reason she felt so strange.

Rachel strained her ears, listening for any sound of movement in the other rooms of the house that would give away Killian's position in the house; only for her to be met with a deafening roar of silence.

Killian had both respected Rachels's wish and taken on his cousin's advice to give Rachel some space; he had left to go to his office earlier than usual after a night spent on the sofa just to make sure Rachel wasn't upset by him being around. Admittedly he had no idea what this 'space' thing meant— he figured that Rachel wouldn't want to be around him at all, and not wanting her to believe he couldn't respect her boundaries, he was careful to give her what she asked for.

Rachel heaved a heavy sigh still groggy from sleep. A small groan escaped her as she stretched out her sore limbs. She couldn't remember the last time that she had woken feeling like a rusted door hinge; stiff, dull and grey. She wondered if that was another unexpected, unspoken part of the matebond that Killian had neglected to tell her.

Heat raced through her veins, her initial hurt and anger spreading through her like fire once again though it didn't last long, it couldn't. The roaring flame ebbed to a quiet ember, the anger leaving the stinging hurt that remained.

Rachel knew logically that she understood his point of view; that he thought that he was doing the right thing, to protect her— to protect their budding relationship. Perhaps if the situation were reversed she would have made the same decision.

As much as she tried to convince herself it was no use to get hung up on what had already passed, she couldn't get past the hurt of being lied to. She had been hurt by lies before, by Natalia when she denied that she wouldn't cheat again; by her mother when she swore her relationship with Mark wasn't serious; and even by her father. She loved him with all her heart and she had believed him when he told her that he would always be there with her.

Lies were treacherous. Whether well intentioned or not, if he could lie about something as huge as his identity what was there to stop him from lying about other things too.

But it wasn't just the lies that hurt. It was understanding how much this truth would change her whole life. His mother had told her that their relationship wasn't about them, that this was serious, this was for life.

She had only just met Killian! She had only known the man for a few weeks now- she couldn't just spend forever with him?! And from the way he explained things, in the scope of a supernatural life, forever would be a long time.

The thought alone sent rivulets of panic rushing through her. The small trickle grew to a rushing river, a storming sea with each new panicked thought that ran through her mind.

She didn't know him, what if he turned out to be someone she just wasn't compatible with? What if he grew tired of her? Could they even do that? Was she just supposed to give up everything that she did now? Sacrifice her whole life for the benefit of his people?

She didn't want to do that. She liked her life- well, the freedom that she had anyway. She wasn't supposed to settle down. She was only 24. She was supposed to be dating, drinking,and dancing. She was only having fun with Killian. He was supposed to be a rebound. She wasn't supposed to like being with him so much. She wasn't supposed to miss him.

She was struggling to breathe. Her fingers prickled with an uncomfortable tingling. Sparks of pain shot through her like lightning, through her chest, her stomach and her legs. Rachel's heart clenched so hard she was certain it had missed a beat. For a glimpse of a second she really thought she would die.