The Old Scars | Loki Hurt/Comfort

Stop Lying

flashback:

There weren't that many people in the café right now. For most of them, it probably wasn't more than a usual Wednesday afternoon. The buzzing sound of talking people was sort of comforting because it was always there when I came here with acquaintances, friends, and family.

For today, I invited my best friend here. We hadn't spent much time together in the last few months and I was scared she might think she was the reason for that. My eyes were scanning the small menu, although I already knew exactly what I would order — a giant chocolate milkshake.

After a minute of silence, my friend spoke up. I noticed she was sitting tensely. Before going quiet, she had only answered in short sentences.

Something was wrong. 

"You know... if you don't want to spend time with me anymore, just tell me."

My forced smile dropped in an instant.

How could something you've already expected catch you so off guard?

This moment, that confrontation - you knew it'd come. The question had simply been when.

My best friend since kindergarten looked at me with uncertainty on her face. Starting to panic, I looked down again. There were so many things I wanted to say, so much about how it wasn't her fault, how it was entirely mine, about the state my life was currently in, the way everything went wrong lately.

And here you are, having disappointed HER. The one person that has meant everything to you for more than a decade, the one who had always had your back, but apparently, you've never had hers.

"No..." I mumble, "I am so terribly sorry..."

My voice is shaking, and my hands and legs are too. I want to say more, so much more, but the lump in my throat stops me from doing so. Tears are threatening to run down my cheeks as my eyes fill with those rare droplets of salty water.

With a lot of effort, I add: "That's not what I want it to look like"

That's it. I'm not capable of more words.

My "friend", and I am terrified to put quotation marks around this once sacred word, shakes her head.

"Then what do you want? You know... If you could just be honest with me. If I just knew you were telling the truth. If I could just trust you like I've done back in the good times."

I am silent, trying to hold back sobs. The girl sitting on the opposite side of the table looks so unfamiliar to me. So cold. As you've treated her.

One tear, another one, three, four, five.

You can't cry now, dammit, you're in a café and the waitress will be here any moment to take your order. Get your shit together.

I want to sink to Earth's core, so ashamed am I.

"Y/N... Recently I've been wondering whether they were right."

From teary eyes, I look at her, questioning. 

No. No, please. She would never do that.

"They?" I whisper as if the question alone had the power to kill.

"You're aware of who I'm talking about."

Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me.

'They' were two former friends of mine who had both accused me of lying to them in the latest phases of our friendships. 

In both cases, the person in front of me had suggested ending the friendship.