The Old Scars | Loki Hurt/Comfort

Painful Mockery

"How would I make things worse?"

Disbelief and confusion were plastered all over Thor's face. Loki let out a partly sad, partly amused chuckle.

"So not even now do you understand..." came the answer.

Thor shook his head slowly, breathing heavily through slightly parted lips.

"Don't you remember all your mockery? You can't tell me you have forgotten about it."

Once again, I realized that both were way older and had lived through more than any mortal ever could.

Are you even aware they were born on different planets?

"Nothing but funny jokes, brother." Thor shrugged it off.

"Well, not to me?! You were my brother, my everything! I looked up to you for all these years! Odin, you call him Father; I was used to him not treating us the same way. But when you, my dearly held brother, started using the same mean words, sneering at me just like he did... and all of that merely to impress your warrior friends... That's when something inside me broke, you oaf!"

Thor was clearly trying to keep the tears suddenly gathering in his eyes from flowing. And yet, as it seemed, Loki was only getting started.

"How was I supposed to confide my fears and sorrows to you when the next day I would hear your dear Lady Sif mock me for shedding tears as a boy? You made fun of me for your companions to like you more when everyone loved wonderful and brave Thor Odinson from the first day anyway!"

Thor's mouth was open, but there were no words coming out of it.

"I loved you, and I trusted you. I really mean that. But that was before your friends, those strong and skilled fighters, were all you could think about. When we got older, you left me alone, helpless at the feet of Odin. You were not there when I needed you the most! No, I did not turn away from you. You were ashamed of me! And soon after, I had no choice but to keep you distant if I didn't want your jeering words to tear my heart apart any further!"

"Loki, I- I can't believe-"

"Nobody but Mother ever believed me, believed in me! No ears were open for my hurt except hers, and if I, yes I, hadn't been such a thoughtless fool, she'd still be alive!"

What?

Loki was about to sink to the floor exhaustedly, but Thor's strong arms caught him without effort. Like a child, he held him close to his chest. A barely suppressed whimper left Loki's mouth, and yet no single word of complaint.

"No, Loki, you have nothing to do with Mother's death. It came by the monster Malekith brought with him."

Loki's response equaled a low whisper.

"What am I but a monster?"

The God of Mischief went quiet. It felt wrong to passively stand here in the face of this brotherly intimacy, merely watching the scene unfold.

"My dear brother, none of it is true. Who twisted your mind like that, made you think of yourself so badly?"

No answer this time.

Thor, with a tear on his left cheek, brought Loki back to the bed and put him down slowly. He then carefully covered him with the blanket.

"Rest to ease your troubled mind."

"Don't leave. Stay with me, just for once."

Loki's eyelids fluttered tiredly.

"Of course, I will." was Thor's immediate response, his tone of voice worried.

Loki's words were nothing but silent whimpers. It was almost shocking how fast his emotions seemed to fluctuate.

He went from appearing composed to shouting and screaming within seconds, appearing as a sensitive wreck only moments later.

Thor pulled two chairs next to the bed, wiped the tear away, then nodded at me.

"Do you want to sit down as well?"

"If you don't mind."

"Surely not," Loki replied, wearily rearranging his head on the pillow.

The outburst seemed to have consumed all his energy at once, but there was also something about his aura telling me he and Thor had, at this moment, started their journey back to each other. The God of Thunder acted not the least indifferent now, and his adopted brother was apparently ready to reveal more about the emotions he had pent up for so long.

Loki's feelings had come out in a downpour of accusations. Many of them seemed terrible for me to believe, and nevertheless, or maybe just because of their gravity, Loki looked relieved now.

Let it all out.

From what the older's features depicted, deep guilt was pulling at the strings of his heart. If what Loki had said was true, Thor's faults were heavy. The way Loki perceived their youth seemed horrible to me. However, what had happened was part of the past now, and it wouldn't be changed, at most eased, with the knowledge that none of this had been Thor's intention.

Loki looked so drained.

"That's when something inside me broke, you oaf!" he had cried out.

Loki's reaction to Thor heading here, then that heart-wrenching conversation. Everything to this point reassured me in my thesis that Loki's struggles were rooted deep in his childhood.

It felt wrong now to sit right beside him and Thor. This was between them, the superbeings, gods, and about deceased parents and a destroyed realm that had been home to their people for millennia. Regardless, a question was floating through my mind, one having nothing to do with Thor. Just something based on merely a few sentences Loki had uttered in the stream of words before.

"Might I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

Loki appeared to be fully present.

"What was the issue with Odin?"

"Issue?" Thor questioned. Odin's only son by blood.

I was convinced I saw Loki tense a bit. It was merely a little flinch, but I was observant. It seemed to be an uncomfortable topic for him, yet this fact and the radical words he had chosen moments ago were reasons I now couldn't bear not knowing what the name "Odin" made him think of.

"You said Thor left you helpless at Odin's feet."

"Oh, that..." Loki begun.

While he tried to find fitting words for his answer, Thor's mien displayed confusion once again. He must have missed this sentence earlier.

"That... that..." he continued to stutter.

"Take your time. It's OK," I tried to assure Loki, but Thor seemed increasingly impatient.

Can't he be less demanding? This is undoubtedly hard for Loki. Hadn't he just promised him all his support?

Loki sighed, followed by a dramatic silence hugging the three of us. With a downhearted smile on his face, he muttered,

"Oh, Thor... there's so much you don't know."

A/N:

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More revelations about Odin's parenting methods in two weeks.