The Old Scars | Loki Hurt/Comfort

Father's Love

Loki's POV:

"What do you perceive him to have been like? How did your father treat you? Come on, give Y/N a quick summary, will you?"

"Sometimes you confuse me, brother, but if you insist, I'll do so."

Both Y/N and I look at Thor attentively.

"Loki and I were raised by the Allfather Odin and Frigga in the royal palace of Asgard. You already knew that. Loki is adopted, but we were not told for our entire youth, and therefore it felt like true brotherhood."

What a perception of true brotherhood...

"I always got along very well with Father and Mother, while you, Loki, seemed to bond way better with Mother and her only."

"I do not hesitate to say I had no bond at all with Odin. Now, tell us how he used to treat you."

"As every father would, I assume? I am not sure in which way you want me to specify that."

"His choice of words, tone of voice, actions, everything. The way his eyes glistened with pride at your sight, a pride that would turn into a death stare when he spotted me next to you. The reassuring hand he always laid on your shoulder, the praise and glory he poured over you. All the second chances and all the words of affirmation; I never got that from him!"

Stay calm, Loki. Hold it back. Take a breath. Hold it back, don't let these words get past your tongue yet.

Y/N is already frowning, probably about to say something. However, Thor forestalls her.

"Loki, don't say that about Father. He was never like that. A caring father and benevolent king - that's what you should call him. You, I, all the Asgardians, we owe him greatly!"

I resist the urge to snap back about not being of Asgardian descent.

Oh, Thor, you never knew Odin like I did.

Thor, he may have perceived him as a knowing mentor and wise ruler, and ultimately, a caring father. Not I.

The words are already on my tongue, words to destroy the new king's image of his predecessor for once and always. What sense would it make to hold them back any longer?

You are lying in a hospital bed, and the people sitting next to you already know way too much anyway. Why not finally reason all of your actions?

If I am really about to say this out loud, I will make it a verbal punch directly into Thor's conscience.

"Do you know about the beatings?"

"The what?!"

Thor and Y/N answer in unison, disbelief and shock very present in their voices.

"Ah, of course not. Who would have told you, Odin? Odin himself? No, of course, you don't know. Would have cast a shadow on your blindingly bright youth."

"What point are you trying to make, brother? What beatings?"

"What beatings, brother?" I begin imitating Thor.

His slowness when processing anything not corresponding with his beliefs is slowly gnawing at my wish for reconciliation.

"The beatings! How do you still not get it? Odin beat me, even let the guards do that if he himself was too busy, OK? That's it! Wonderful father, good childhood! One prince was praised without limits, the other beaten and degraded! But surely you were right when you said stuff like 'Be more grateful, Loki' and 'Don't be such a whiny coward, brother'!"

Slow down and at least try to control yourself. Who are you? Thor?

My eyes wander to Y/N. Furrowing her brows, she looks glum and full of rage at the same time. The next moment, I glance back at Thor. What I just said seems unable to pass some barrier in his brain. With every slow shake of his head, left and right, left again, I question whether he even believes my words.

Is it true? Did Odin beat you? Or is that just something you have made up to get their attention, you desperate clown? Do you know it? How can you be sure? Aren't you fooling yourself all the time anyway?

Shut it!

"When?" Thor wants to know.

I can't help but immediately notice he is speaking louder and, worse, in a tone more tense than before.

"Am I supposed to remember all those incidents? I stopped counting as soon as he got used to it. For Odin, the end justified the means..."

"Loki. What end, what means?" Y/N throws in.

Her right leg is nervously bouncing up and down, and I can see her discreetly putting a hand on her knee. It doesn't stop.

What have I started? Not again.

You want this; confess to it. You crave the attention, these questions, the worried looks on their faces. Deep inside, you only want to fill their hearts with guilt and sorrow so that anyone cares about you for once. Admit it!

"This is a joke, right?"

"Why can't you believe it, believe me, Thor? Is it because it stands in such stark contrast with your view of him? Father? Don't worry. You are doing a marvelous job giving him credit! He would dismiss every sound I dared to utter as a cry for attention, declare every word I spoke a lie. You may not be as bad, but you're also barely better."

The disbelief vanishes from Thor's face, replaced by a much more downhearted expression as he turns his head to his hands folded in his lap. Hit.

Don't give in now, not yet. Y/N is still waiting for an answer.

"To come back to your question, Y/N. His means ranged from slaps to things you don't want to know about. And for the reasons: I assume it was mostly my fault."

Assume? Mostly? Of course, it was always your fault. Weakness must not be permitted, and rebellion just as little.

"What other things did he do? Please, I need to know..."

Y/N's urgency confuses me. Odin is dead.

Suddenly, Thor looks up again, eyes glassy, expression one of deep remorse.

What is it now? Our breaths are audible, so quiet is the room as the seconds pass and we wait idly.

Finally, Thor breaks the charged silence with a broken and quiet voice.

"Loki's mouth was stitched shut."

A/N:

Still alive, indeed. The chapter is almost two weeks late, and I won't make any attempt to find unreasonable excuses. My life is getting sort of intense lately, that's all. Especially during the last weeks, I've been having difficulties finding enough time to write. Besides continuing the story, I am still planning to rework the first chapters. They do need it badly.

The main reason this project is still going on after more than a year is all the support I receive from you. I can't thank you enough for the countless kind words I have had the honor to read since the beginning.

I'll do my best to have the next chapter ready in about two weeks from now. A scene change is about to come soon.

Stay tuned!