Vigilante: Prompt Fills

Team up!

Sometimes, Eli had to wonder how he got into this kind of situation.

By that he means, of course, being kidnapped by a couple of incompetent idiots. And they really were incompetent. After all, one had to be a special kind of stupid to think that Eli would willingly associate with the city's biggest masked moron.

And no, he didn't mean Matthew. He meant the other masked moron.

Thinking of how there were now two of them hurt Eli on a spiritual level. He tried not to think of what would happen if they ever decided to team up. Then, he allowed his mind to cackle at the thought because that would never happen. The two hated each other. Which was funny with how similarly insane they both were. Still, Eli wasn't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.

Besides, he had more important things to deal with at the moment.

Like wondering why they thought he was close to the newest masked hero. Sure, the guy helped him out a couple times, but he wasn't the only one. And besides, it wasn't Eli's fault the guy had busted the kidnappers' previous operation and gotten their friends locked up. But still, there he was, stuck with a couple of idiots who couldn't even be bothered to get their facts straight.

Worst of all though, he was horribly bored.

"So, are you guys always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?" he asked. And sure, he knew that it probably wasn't the best thing to do, considering he was tied up and the guys were armed. Still. Eli was nothing if not petty. "I mean, I'm not judging, but this just seems like a really stupid plan. I mean, you kidnap me, who you think makes proper bait, and then what? Not get your asses kicked and then get arrested? Because that part just sounds really unlikely."

If he was going to get kidnapped when all he wanted was to go home and get some food, then he was going to make damn sure that his kidnappers had as shitty a time as he did. At least, until Matthew inevitably showed up to get him.

"Maybe don't talk shit to the guys with the guns," one of the kidnappers said. A lanky one with a nose like a pug. Eli would not-so-affectionately call him Puggy.

"Yeah, like you're gonna shoot me," Eli scoffed while hoping they wouldn't actually shoot him.

"What, you think we just have these for decorations?" said kidnapper no.2, the short one Eli called Stubby, as he waved his gun in the air like the absolute moron he was.

"Just because you have something doesn't mean you'll use it. Like your brains, for example." Eli was glad Matthew wasn't around to hear him shittalk these guys because he would have a fit. "You're not gonna shoot me."

"I will if you don't shut the fuck up."

"If you were gonna shoot me then why bother kidnapping me. I'm supposed to be bait anyway." Terrible bait, to be honest.

"We can shoot you, just not kill you," Puggy pointed out with a grin.

"Oh yeah, and you two are smart enough to know where to shoot me so I won't bleed out. Learned that in medical school, did you?"

The two kidnappers looked at each other.

"C'mon, let's just shoot him once." Stubby was officially Eli's least favorite.

"What if he bleeds out?" Puggy pointed out sensibly. Good for him. Five points to Puggy.

"Then we patch him up." Stubby shrugged. Puggy seemed to consider it. Traitor. One point from Puggy.

"No shooting him," Puggy insisted in the end.

"Told you you weren't gonna shoot me." Maybe Eli shouldn't have grinned.