Vigilante: Prompt Fills

Ugly Christmas Sweater

Sometimes, Eli had to wonder how Matthew managed to be the most consistently ridiculous person he'd ever met. He also had to wonder where in the hell he'd found the green monstrosity he was proudly showing Eli.

"Isn't it awesome?" Matthew asked, still grinning and looking for all the world like he'd discovered some rare treasure instead of some knit sweater with a penguin dressed as Santa on it. Eli almost wanted to laugh. Almost. Because then he remembered that this was his life and that desire to laugh turned into a need to lay down on the floor and cry.

"Er, isn't it too small for you?" Eli asked, deciding to go for a nicer way of getting Matthew to not wear the thing.

"Well yeah, but it's not for me."

Oh no, Eli thought. It was a thought he often had since meeting Matthew. There's no fucking way. He wouldn't.

"It's for you!"

Eli wondered if it was too late to leave Matthew.

"You know, green isn't really my color." he said instead of walking out of the apartment forever.

"Your favorite hoodie is green," Matthew pointed out, looking just the slightest bit less excited. "What, you don't like it?" And damn it, he was doing that thing again. The thing where his eyes looked all sad that made Eli feel guilty.

"It's just. It's very Christmassy," Eli said, because he didn't know what the hell else he could say. He was still in a state of shock.

"Well yeah, it's a Christmas sweater," Matthew said, giving Eli a look that said he thought Eli was the crazy one.

They do say crazy people don't know they're crazy, Eli thought as Matthew shoved the sweater into his hands.

"It's really warm because I know you get cold easily," Matthew continued in his attempt to get Eli to wear the thing.

"That's . . . thoughtful of you." Words were still failing Eli, especially when he realized the thing had extra fluffy bits of white on the Santa suit the penguin was wearing. He glanced at Matthew's face again and decided he really should try to be nice about it. "It's just . . . not really my style."

Matthew's face fell instantly and Eli honestly would have felt bad if he didn't know that Matthew would just keep getting him ridiculous sweaters if he thought Eli would wear them. Really, their apartment already made it clear enough to people that someone in it was obsessed with the holidays.

"But it's made with love in every stitch," Matthew said.

"It says made in Guatemala," Eli read from the tag.

Matthew actually glared at Eli. The nerve.

"Just try it on," he said, apparently giving up on trying to get Eli to fully appreciate the sweater. In response, Eli gave up on being nice.

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen," he said, folding the sweater with his admittedly rusty retail worker skills and handing it back to Matthew.

"Why not?" Matthew sounded dangerously close to whining.

"Because I'm already short and ginger and if I wear that even you won't be able to keep me from getting mugged," Eli deadpanned. Matthew was still reluctant to admit Eli was right. It seemed Eli's safety wasn't quite as important as being obnoxiously festive. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the store to get more cat food."

Before Matthew could remember that they'd just bought enough cat food to last them a month, Eli practically ran out of the apartment. If he thought Matthew would have forgotten about the whole thing by the time he got back home, Eli was sorely mistaken. He seemed to have forgotten that Matthew could be a horrible person when he truly wanted to be.