Tales From A Teenage Henchman

Making Headlines

Tim's talk with Penny didn't go well. He hadn't expected it to, but he had hoped to be wrong. Tim was nothing if not a dreamer.

Still, it wasn't really that bad. At the very least, Penny hadn't cried. Tim counted that as a win. If he'd been smart, he would have been suspicious instead. Then again, Tim wasn't a criminal because of his great critical thinking skills.

"So you're quitting? Why? Is it because we haven't made the Top 10 Villains list?" Penny looked upset again and Tim felt a bit bad. Just a bit.

"No, I just don't think I'm cut out for all this," he said with a shrug, shifting on his feet as he stood in Penny's office. It was actually more of a cluttered broom closet Penny liked to pretend was where she got things done even though everyone knew she'd rather work from her favorite beanbag chair.

There were blueprints with scribbles on them that were mostly half finished plans—and some doodles—on Penny's small desk. A chart with assigned chores was hanging on the wall next to a group picture of everyone the day they moved in. Mostly though, Penny kept all her knick-knacks there, like the creepy skull pen holder someone had given her last Christmas in an attempt to make her seem intimidating. Now there was a cutesy pen with a smiling frog sticking out of it.

"Oh Tim, you're still young," Penny said, regaining Tim's attention. "When I was your age I wasn't sure if villainy was for me, but look at me now!" She spread her arms out as if her office were some grand thing to be shown off and only succeeded in toppling a stack of books from her desk.

"Penny, you're only five years older than me," Tim said in a dry tone, watching her pick up her books. He didn't point out that she hadn't really made it as a villain because he wasn't that horrible a person yet.

"My point is, it's normal to question the paths we take when we're young. I mean, there's so many possibilities. Did you know I was almost a baker?"

Yes, Tim was aware of that. He still remembered the bake off of 2015. It had been terrifying and half of them had ended up getting food poisoning.

"I've been doing this for three years and it's been fun," Tim said, noting the hopeful look on Penny's face when hearing that. "But I don't want to spend the rest of my life robbing banks and getting chased by cops. Besides, I didn't even mean to stick around this long." Honestly, Tim had just been looking for a way to not starve and there weren't many requirements for the job.

Penny looked resigned as she leaned back in her chair, sniffling every now and then while she mulled over Tim's words. After a moment, her face seemed to brighten. Clearly, Penny had an idea. Tim worried about what that might mean for him and his plans of an early retirement.

"Okay," Penny said in a suspiciously bright tone. "How about this, you stay on the team until your birthday and I give you a little bonus to help you with the crippling student debt you'll be accumulating."

While Tim didn't appreciate that little reminder of what he'd be signing up for, the plan didn't sound so bad. Actually, it was a pretty good deal.

Tim was instantly suspicious.

"What's the catch?"

"Honestly Tim, you wound me. I would never try to trick you." Tim didn't buy it for a second.

Still, he was dealing with a villain—even if not a very good one—so he should have expected some form of trickery. Besides, it wasn't likely that Penny would do anything truly evil. At least, not on purpose.

He looked at her blatantly nervous expression as she waited anxiously to see if he'd take her up on the offer and figured he might as well give it a shot. It wasn't like he had planned on leaving immediately anyway. Besides, it would give him time to figure out what he wanted to study and look up schools he could afford. With a sigh, Tim resigned himself to another couple of months of living as a criminal.