Tales From A Teenage Henchman

To Catch a Thief

It took three days for the media to christen Tim with a heroic name. He wasn't surprised when it turned out to be terrible because apparently, he couldn't have nice things.

In all fairness, given the sheer amount of heroes and villains running around it was only a matter of time before they started running out of names. And it wasn't even the media's fault this time. No, it was one of the people Tim helped out who was to blame. So really, Tim thought he could do worse than Dark Shadow. Even if it was painfully redundant.

He was starting to wish he'd just come up with his own name and announced it like so many other heroes. It really was the only way to guarantee a good hero name. It was just too bad Tim had been too lazy to do so. Tim consoled himself with the knowledge that he wouldn't have to hear the stupid name for very long.

Still, he didn't appreciate Lina laughing at him when she found out.

"You can stop laughing any time now," he said, watching as Lina clutched her stomach from her seat next to him. "Yep, any time."

"I'm sorry, it's just such a shitty name," Lina said once she'd finally regained control of herself. She wiped a tear from her eye and failed to repress a grin, but thankfully didn't laugh again.

"You don't say?" Tim said in a flat tone. Lina snorted and Tim wondered why they were friends.

"Hey, at least you only have to put up with this for a bit longer. Then you can forget the whole thing until I remind you of it for a good laugh." Tim couldn't say he appreciated Lina's honesty.

Though he did appreciate her saving some food for him to eat once he returned from his temporary hero gig. It was tiring work, beating up petty criminals.

At least Tim was able to relax in the now empty lounge thanks to everyone being asleep.

"By the way, has Penny come up with any new plans?" Tim asked before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Nope, we're pretty much just sticking to robbing the warehouse while Penny tries to find herself a nemesis," Lina said while stealing a potato chip from Tim's plate. "So, you still have two whole days to do something amazing to make you a worthy opponent."

"Uh huh, there's no way that's gonna happen." Tim scooted further away from Lina in an effort to protect his precious meal.

"Why not? I think that's plenty of time."

"It's two days. For most heroes it takes ages."

"Well, you're not most heroes. And we don't need you to be all over the news, just slightly higher up than a total nobody."

"Well, I have an official name, so doesn't that count?"

"It really doesn't." Tim had seen that coming. "But don't worry, I'm sure we'll figure something out. In the meantime, try to be heroic in more public places. If the people from the news get a good shot of you that'll be good to promote your image. Maybe we should print out shirts for the fans."

Tim sighed and couldn't help dropping his face to his hands.

"See, this is why I'm quitting," Tim said, voice muffled. "This life is insane."

"Hey, at least it makes things interesting," Lina argued with a shrug. "Why are you quitting anyways? You can go to school and stay on the team. Penny probably wouldn't mind."

"It's not that," Tim said, sighing tiredly as he leaned back on the couch. His back cracked and he figured that was probably why heroes didn't last long. Saving people wasn't good on the joints. "I just want to do something else with my life, or at least have a backup plan. Not gonna lie, being evil is fun and all, but realistically I can't be a goon until I'm sixty."