Tales From A Teenage Henchman

The Many Regrets of Tim Mitchell

The first thing they did with the money they made from selling off the warehouse loot—because they had, by some miracle, made it out with loot—was have a pizza party. It probably said a lot about the type of villainous group they were.

It also probably said a lot about why their finances were as bad as they were.

Still, Tim figured they deserved to have a little celebration after managing to survive an encounter with Sparrow. They were all still in a state of semi-disbelief about that too. If it weren't for the news reporting on the whole ordeal, complete with a short interview with Sparrow, they would have thought it was all some stress induced dream. Penny nearly cried from sheer happiness when Sparrow vowed to catch them next time.

"I have an archenemy!" she practically shrieked, nearly dropping her half eaten pizza as she jumped up from the couch. Her party hat was askew as she did a little dance in front of the television.

While it wasn't the type of behavior one would expect from a villain, in Penny's case it was arguably justifiable. Especially because she'd always had a crush on Sparrow—which was supposed to be secret though everyone knew of Penny's closet shrine of crushes—so Tim could only imagine the overjoyed screaming currently taking place in Penny's mind.

As much as Tim was enjoying it all, he couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen to him now. Or, more specifically, to his heroic alter-ego. With Sparrow's vow to defeat Penny and the heroine's own defeat at the hands of Penny, Tim didn't really need to keep up the whole superhero farce. At least, that was what Tim though.

Lina, it seemed, had a different idea.

"Are you crazy? You have to keep acting like one of Penny's enemies. Especially now that Sparrow is after us." Clearly, Lina had a strong opinion about what the next step in the plan should be.

"Why? If Sparrow is Penny's new enemy then I don't have anything else to do," Tim said, still confused about why he should keep up the charade.

"You can keep an eye on Sparrow. Make sure she doesn't get too close to actually catching us. Maybe sabotage her. That kinda stuff," Lina pointed out, as if she were just asking Tim to go to the store for some milk instead of asking him to sabotage someone who could toss him into the next state.

That was probably why Tim laughed. It wasn't so much that the situation was in any way funny. It was just that the plan was so ridiculous and possibly suicidal that Tim was feeling a bit hysterical. But just a bit.

Maybe that was why Lina had waited until after their improvised celebration to talk to Tim in his room. At least if Tim freaked out, he could do so in the privacy of his own room. Plus, it'd be easier to get him to his bed if he passed out from sheer panic.

"You know, it's funny that you think I can do anything to keep Sparrow from catching you all," Tim said once he'd calmed down enough to be able to speak. "I can hardly deal with some shitty muggers, what makes you think I can stop a superpowered lady that can crush me like a soda can?"

"I don't know, you did pretty good at the warehouse," Lina pointed out.

"I freaked out, froze, and only managed to toss an adhesive pellet," Tim said dryly, because really, he'd done practically next to nothing. "As much as I appreciate your newfound faith in me, I really wish you'd come up with a plan that won't get us all killed."

Lina let out an irritated sigh and leaned back on the lone chair next to Tim's small desk. There was a thoughtful look on her face, but Tim doubted she was thinking of a new plan. Most likely, Lina was just trying to come up with a way to get Tim to do what she wanted.

Well too damn bad 'cause I ain't changing my mind on this, Tim thought rather resolutely, vowing to himself to not step out as a hero again.