permanent price ✷ alex karev

018. homemade dynamite

"homemade dynamite"
by lorde

" so let's let things come out of the woodwork
I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies
yeah, awesome, right?
...
blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite
blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite
now you know it's really gonna blow *pew* "

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"it's the end of the world"
season 2, episode 16

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

eleanor had woken up expecting to be in alex's arms, just to find that he had left in the middle of the night. she thought things had been going well. i mean, they had hadn't they? he had told her that he liked her time and time again, and she was finally starting to believe it. they'd spent christmas together, and he'd kissed her at midnight on new years eve. derek had told her that her smile looked the most genuine it had in a long time, and that he was "really, really happy for her". but she couldn't shake the feeling. the feeling that something bad was going to happen, and that maybe she should just quit while she was ahead. she knew that he had been right when he said that her fear gets in her own way, but maybe that was the best way to protect herself. because after all, he had left before she woke up today. he hadn't done that before. and sure, maybe something came up and that was the only reason why, but eleanor just couldn't shake the feeling.

"mer?" she asked quietly, in case she was mistaken and the girl was in fact asleep.

"el? you're up early, up late? i don't know." meredith sighed.

"alex left before i woke up. he's never done that before." she explained, inviting herself into meredith's room and flopping down next to her on the bed.

"so? maybe something came up, i'm sure it' doesn't mean anything." meredith suggested.

"maybe." eleanor shrugged. "or maybe it's a sign, you know, that it's too good to be true."

"oh c'mon, seriously?" meredith asked.

"seriously? you of all people are asking me that? you're all dark and twisty, you should get it."

"but you're not dark and twisty. you're mcperfect, don't make something into nothing"

"i'm not mcperfect... maybe i am dark and twisty, what do you know? i make problems out of thin air all the time"

"that's true, you are kind of a mcmystery." meredith agreed.

"anyway, point is, i have this bad feeling... i think that maybe i try to find the bad in good things because i'm scared of what will happen if i get used to it. like what if i let him in and then he leaves? wouldn't it just be easier to push him away now?" eleanor asked.

"god, you really are dark and twisty inside."

"shut up, so are you. what are you doing laying awake at four anyway?" eleanor asked.

"i have a feeling."

"well we just went over my feeling, what's your feeling?"

"like i might die."

"me too, i feel like i could die right now, honestly."

"i hate your brother."

"yeah, that's understandable."