Ad Astra

Chapter 4

For years I waited for the reveal of my mother's plan. Those long days spent traveling to the caves, listening to my mother's history lessons, and practicing combat with my sister trickled by slowly. I always assumed my final days in Landiani would benefit from that same slowness, but I find that they move far too quickly. As a result, I try to make every memory count. I wake early to watch the sunrise, visit my favorite booths in the market one last time, savor the scent of ocean air, and memorize the soft feeling of my bedsheets. However, to my dismay, the hours pass by too quickly, and soon enough, my final day in Landiani arrives. I think how in only twenty-four hours, I will be in Esterpool, where I will be putting the etiquette training Taika has drilled into my head over the past week to the test.

During my last evening in Landiani, we host a small gathering at our household. Taika prepares Kiana's and my favorite dishes, and Lagi and Palila join. We laugh, eat, and share memories of our time together in Tetoa. Life almost feels seemingly normal having everyone together again, but as I look out the window at the sun descending in the sky, I am reminded of just how limited our time is together.

Eventually, dinner winds down. My mother and Taika go to collect water from our well to wash dishes while Kiana, Lagi, Palila, and I eat the remnants of a fruit tart that my mother picked up from the market earlier in the day. I wonder briefly what the food will taste like in Magnuvia. I doubt it will taste as fresh or comforting as the food I've grown up eating in my home country. For that reason, I nibble slowly on the tart, savoring its sweetness.

"How are you traveling tomorrow?" Lagi asks.

"On foot," I answer. "Taika will go with me to Otakoro, and our mother will take Kiana to Satavau."

Tears reflect in Palila's eyes again. She has cried no less than ten times tonight alone, but I have not been courageous enough to reach out and comfort her. Even now, seeing her watery eyes, I say nothing. Nothing can be done to change the fact that Kiana and I leave tomorrow. To give her false hope would only be cruel. And yet, Kiana is the one who is brave enough to find her voice.

"Palila. It'll be okay," Kiana says.

My best friend sniffles and blows her nose loudly into a spare handkerchief that Lagi pulls from his shorts pocket.

"Will you both write?" Palila asks. Her voice shakes with sorrow.

This is something neither I nor Kiana can guarantee. Our letters are already at risk of being intercepted by Magnuvian forces. My mother will most likely disapprove of any correspondence besides letters to her and Taika. I open my mouth to share with Palila that it may be too difficult, that the soldiers may end up knowing our whereabouts through such correspondence, but Kiana beats me.

"We'll try our best," she lies.

This time I am glaring at Kiana, knowing that she has given Palila false hope. However, I see Palila's tears slowly begin to dry, and I wonder if perhaps Kiana was right in giving that answer, if only to save Palila from some pain.

"I truly would love to visit you if I move through Otakoro," Lagi explains. He has brought this idea forward often in the past few days, but I have always been able to successfully shift the conversation elsewhere before any logistics are discussed. Tonight though, I am cornered.

"I'll keep you updated," is all I manage to say. "I know there are less soldiers there, but Mama will want me to be kept safe. Besides, I'm not sure if you should be affiliating yourself with us now that you're joining the army."

"Listen to what she says, Lagi," Palila urges, which thankfully ends any hope of Lagi visiting me. Palila then turns to look at all of us. Her hands fold into each other, and she takes in a deep breath. "My biggest wish is that you will all return to Tetoa."