Heart | N.H.

thirty - loving can hurt

From Harry: Y'all, are we still meeting for karoake at my house tonight????

From Harry: HELLO?????????????????//?!?!#$%^&&&&

From Louis: Yes, will be l8

From Harry: fuck u

From Harry: what about everyone else??// i have snacks and you know you all want to hear my dulcet tones serenading you

"God," Niall said as our phones chimed for the twelfth time in five minutes.

I chuckled. I was excited to see all of our friends, but I was a little sad that our only alone time today was the drive to Harry's house. Niall had had family stuff all day, so he'd picked me up ten minutes ago at my house. He hadn't said how the day had gone, but he had been strangely quiet, which was making me concerned.

It had been a week since I'd gone to see him in the middle of the night and we'd spent the night together. I had managed to sneak out early enough that my parents hadn't caught me (though it had been a close call, as King had initially thought I was an intruder... possibly because I was still wearing Niall's hoodie when I stumbled into the kitchen). I still hadn't given it back.

School had been keeping me busy for the rest of the week, especially since I'd fallen hopelessly behind with everything that had happened. Niall was obviously out of school for a bit, and he texted me pictures of the kittens, Teddy, and other random things throughout the day. Nothing made up for being with him, though. After school, every day this week, I came over to his house. We usually started off downstairs in the kitchen. I would spread my homework out over the table and work, and he would try to distract me and eat whatever baked goods his mother was preparing in the kitchen. She would watch us argue and joke, occasionally contributing her own jabs or embarrassing childhood stories about Niall--to my utter delight and Niall's horror. Sometimes, when she looked at me, I thought I saw something shockingly tender there, something akin to the expression my own mother wore when she hugged me. Even though it scared me a little, the way I was slipping into Niall's family, it also filled me with joy.

Eventually, after I had made a bit of headway with schoolwork, we would make our way upstairs and hang out in Niall's room. We usually watched TV. Sometimes Niall would fall asleep immediately. He had been having trouble sleeping, he told me, in spite of his weariness. Although he didn't say it, I knew he was telling me that he was able to fall asleep when I was around. It twisted my heart a little. I wished I could be with him every night.

A few days, though, he didn't fall asleep right away. We would snuggle up together on his bed. We'd start off with our shoulders touching. Then maybe I'd throw my leg over his, or he would reach over and pull me closer, and then we'd be kissing.

Incredible thing, kissing, that is. You'd think maybe you'd get sick of it, but somehow the more I kissed Niall, the more I wanted to. The more I wanted... other stuff, too. But it was always him that pulled away. I would be breathless, completely lost in it, and then he would pull away and make some comment about the show we were watching, or pull me in for a cuddle. Not that I didn't like cuddling, but still.

I didn't push it. After all, he had been through a lot. But part of me did wonder. I mean, I knew he wanted to kiss me. I was pretty sure, at least. And there was a moment on Thursday when I was on my back and he was on top of me, and I could feel him hard against my leg. Impulsively, I had broken our kiss and touched my lips to his neck, slowly making my way down to his collarbone. He had moaned and gone still against me, and there was an electrifying flash of something wild in his eyes. And then... he had rolled off of me and asked me if I wanted him to set a place for me at dinner.